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male
age
30-35,
*ffice~doctor
writes: hello, i have a problem with my girlfriend, she's malfunctioning, haha, jk, she is always trying to start up a fight, and she just thinks she can control me, i dont know what to do, i just seems like she is wanting to break up with me from all this time acting out with this stuff, and she keeps bringing up the topic of not believing that i love her, im trying to start to have the ability to have my own breath, but now she is trying to control me by threatening me, cuz im trying to hide this relationship from my mom seeing as how to she said no to our passion for eachother, so she says she is going to tell my mom, well i was wondering if you could help me out. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2007): Hahahha..omigosh, everytime I read the first line of your post, I laugh.."she's malfunctioning"..good one! It's so refreshing to see it.. :D Well, I'm sorry if I don't have good advice for you, but as I see it, you should tell her that if she wants the two of you to be together she has to stop talking about telling your mum about it and that it's up to you and you will do it when the time is right. Controlling someone is just not right and she needs to try to understand you and your situation better..
Hope you work it out, office~doctor..
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2007): Well I have 2 suggestions 4 u!U could either play her at her own game saying that she doesn't luv u,eyc nd hopefully that eill give her the message 2 stop or u could leave her!
Hope this helps!x
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A
female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (19 April 2007):
You are very young and just learning your first things about relationships......
When two people form a relationship, there is often a desire on the part of each person to avoid being hurt, and to do so, they look for reassurance from the other person.
She obviously is not sure whether you love her and is looking for reassurance on this.
Probably you not telling your mother about it is not helping in this regard - she probably sees this as you not caring enough about her to stand up to your mother, and she's probably right!
One way to seek reassurance is to see how far you can push the other person before they crack - it's what kids do when they learn what the boundaries are with their parents - and it sounds like she is finding these boundaries now with you.
You need to figure out whether you like this girl. If you do, you need to sit her down and say you need a proper chat about things:
* explain that you really like her and can see the relationship lasting for a long time
* explain that you don't like fighting, and if it continues, you would have to end the relationship
* explain why you feel you can't tell your mother at the moment, and how that doesn't mean you don't love her.
Then also ask her:
* why does she pick fights?
* why does she want you to tell your mother?
* why does she not feel loved, and what would make her feel more loved?
When listening to her, DO NOT ARGUE - just listen to her, and summarise back to her what she said, to check you understood it correctly - ask for more information if you don't understand - make sure she feels really listened to and really understood - that would be the best way of showing her you love her, and a very healthy way of doing it.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, ragdoll +, writes (19 April 2007):
 just let her tell your mom and see what happens. maybe she DOES want to break up with you. if she doesnt want you anymore, i dont see the point in keeping your relationship anymore. dont let her control you. that's just plain wrong. she doesn own you. na dmaybe you should see why your mom doesnt want her for you. maybe she has a really good reason, like your girlfriend's a control freak who uses her assets to manipulate people!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2007): I think its time that you 2 break up when this is happening.
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