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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My girl has a bunch of male friends. Like a whole slew of these guys. Is it wrong to be insecure about that? She tells me when one comes onto her her and tells me everything that happens, usually, but the way I see it, I believe she is loyal now, but if we ever get in a fight, or get confused, one of these guys will be waiting, ready to pounce and take advantage. I know dudes.So... If you don't think I'm crazy for thinking what I do, how do I wean her off all these male friends she has?
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male
reader, dondee  +, writes (23 March 2010):
Well. If I get this right - she is allowed many men friends. You arent allowed woman friends as she gets VERY upset if you even talk to them...
Leave, RUN from her. Her reaction to your female friends is that she fears you will do to her what she is doing to you... "She complaineth too much"
Mate = She is LOVING the attention, and when the going in your relationship needs work, she will flit off with the next convenient man that sweet talks her (and what a bastard you were....)
Get over her. Find better, With respect for you like you have respact for your woman.
There are countless bums for every seat. Why get hung up on one????
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do not see the world like you two. Celia, been there done that. I am not so corruptible or fickle anymore. And Domo, I don't give up as easily as you.
You might see it as self destructive, I see it as honorable. I gave my word. So I will ride this one out. No one here or beyond will be able to claim that I didn't put forth every effort on my tarnished angel. If I am hurt, then so be it. I will live, and I will deal.
Besides, I love her and can't just turn that off so quickly. I came here to ask for advice about a problem, not to be told to leave her.
Its almost like I'm doing the same exact thing here she does with those friends of hers, opening myself up to have doubts planted in my head by people that don't know the first thing about me or her. I see now I was ill advised to come here. Finito
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionlol You sound like one of those dudes that stays by the wayside and fills her head with all that, man...
First off, I'm not leaving her. I promised, and I don't know about you but I'm a man of my word. She would have to leave me to lose me, and I told her this.
Secondly, she's happy with me. She says I make her happier than any man ever has. I would challenge any dude to do better with her than I have. You? You would cut your losses and run at the first sign of trouble.. The more understanding types here? They would have lost her already with they lackadaisical approaches, to someone smarter and more manipulative than them. I'm not manipulative but I know how to counteract it. And I have an agile mind.
And I mean no offense to YOU, but you seem like the type of dude that doesn't fight for nothing. That runs at any sign of trouble. That wants life to be sooo tidy, that he is averse to any kind of mess. Well I got news:
Life is mess. If you go around looking for that perfect situation, you gonna die a lonely old man. And if you go around not fighting for anything you believe in and/or love, you gonna live on your knees.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDomo- Yes, it is a mess. But what relationship goes off without a hitch? Is flawless..? Point to one. I am not bragging about putting my player ways to rest, I never even said I was ever a player. I might have known the game, but I was never that inconsiderate of people's feelings. What I'm talking about is the disparity between me and her outlook.I'll break it down..I am preemptive with mine.. Meaning, I avoid potentially compromising situations, relationship wise. That way, I never even have to wrestle with temptation. She, does not. She puts herself in these situations that can be easily avoided, and then puts herself to the choice, constantly. Now even if she makes the right decision 99% of the time regarding these situations she puts herself in, what about that other 1%? Would it not have been better to just avoid said situation altogether? I think so. And then, a whole nother can of worms is what if the choice is just taken from her? Which it was, once. She could be putting herself in danger. I don't know where half these dudes' heads are at.And I know what love is... Its what has me being completely exclusive to her.. Caring about every little thing that bothers her.. Protecting her.. putting up with all her erroneous crap and trying to work through it with her. Delving through all her past experiences with her and trying to ease her pain...How dare you say I don't know what love is
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLonely Two- Well she has been abused in the past so... There is that as a factor in all this. She love attention, yes. And yes, I'm good to her. I don't get wobbly legged, I get angry, I even got in one dudes face that invited her up to his apartment and didn't expect me to be there. He had candles lit and all with some Neyo playin. She said I was "Sexy" for doing that.. As to being out my league, gimme a break man. There's no such thing. That's why you see fugly dudes runnin around with dimes all the time. And I'm not even that. I ignored some fine women for her. Don't even talk to 'em. Set my old ways to rest, and etc. I want the same courtesy from her.
Sirena- I do trust her... I do. But if she surrounds herself with basically all these other opportunities, it makes a guy wonder.. But I trust her in the present.
Celia- Interesting points. But I feel like if I'm not vigilant, this will pass me by. She is being a bit of a hypocrite, yes, but try telling that to her.. lol. The questions do get on my last nerve, because I know they are planted there. When I put those doubts to rest I'm dealing directly with the influence of some guy that wanna break us up. That's what that comes down to. So then I say to her, well why would a "friend" try to angle you this way? I've shot down (figuratively) so many "friends" of hers, and yet she keeps making more, and I have to keep exposing them to her. Over and over again and its maddening. One time I nearly left her (though I changed my mind pretty quick) and she cried and said she didn't need any male friends and that I was right, but yeah, that didn't happen.
Anon- Good.. Someone knows what I mean. I got enough on my plate without having to worry about deprogramming my girl after every time she hangs out with a schemin dude masquerading as a friend.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2010): dude, of course its normal to have this feeling, what else you wanna do, deny your self? come on, it is a natural feeling
trust me, i had the EXACT same problem with my GF. it was this way for the first year and a half of our relationship, until i decided to wake up. now she changed, alot, but i cannot get over the stupidity i was living. now, i have the control over the relationship, but i tell u dude, im not happy, how can i forgot all those days i was living with her that way.
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (22 March 2010):
 I have LOADS of male friends and rest assured I have NEVER cheated on anyone. Some women are unfaithful and it is a shame... but I would never cheat; if I didn't love someone then I wouldn't pretend I did. It all chalks up to whether or not you can trust her.
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (22 March 2010):
I clarify that I am NOT saying you're stupid... just a bit insecure.
Having guy friends is not reason for alarm, it seems to me that she's being truthful.
My point is that in order to have a healthy relationship there has to be mutual trust. it all comes down to--- do you trust her?
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (22 March 2010):
You should listen to this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aP4puxOMsKg
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhmm..
Well she get jealous if a girl even TALK to me..soo..
Why can't I get jealous of dudes she talks to all the time? Plus, these guys fill her head with all these doubts and questions that I have to end up dealing with with much patience and care. For instance, after talkin to one guy she comes back and asks me all these red flag questions, like, "Do we have much in common?" and, "Are we irresponsible?" and.. "will you leave me?"
and I just KNOW one of these window lickers put this stuff in her head.
this aggression cannot stand, man...
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male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (21 March 2010):
Too many friends in whose opinion?
You are lucky that guys do fancy her. I am thinking that you insecure about yourself not her.
If she moves on to another guy then that will be that? You do not own her and you perhaps need to resolve what you both want from this relationship?
Either way don't get so stressed about it!
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