A
male
age
,
*rokeanddumb
writes:I had originally posted this in response to someone else's question and realized I wanted some input from others too.My gf has 3 male friends that she thought would be good mentors for her children with no father around. She told me they were apparently using her kids to get to her, but still maintains a friendship with them. Friend one calls her all the time, stops at her house, gets angry if she talks to me or goes out with me. Cries all the time, tells her he loves her and is so obsessed with her it's scary. He refuses to meet me, even though we have sat at the same table together.Friend 2 I haven't met yet. As soon as he found out about me, he wrote her a long love letter that he stuck in her door.Friend 3... met him right away. He shook my hand, then refused to look at me the rest of the evening and had that "whipped puppy" expression we've all worn or seen at one time or another when hearts were breaking.The point is, I have been very patient with it all up til now. It's been wearing thin anyway, but today, while we were speaking on the phone, she says, hang on, I have another call. A couple minutes later she comes back and tells me it's friend 3 and he's inviting her to straddle up behind him for a motorcycle ride, and wants to know if it's ok with me. She's true to me, I have no doubt whatsoever. This isn't a situation where I'm worried she'll dump me for him. This is a situation where I can't understand how she can value a "friendship" so much when she admits he used her kids to get to her, and obviously is looking for more than friendship from her. This is a situation where if it were reversed, she would be jealous as hell. Finally, this is a situation where I think the most trusting person on the planet would have a problem with his or her significant other climbing onto a motorcycle with somebody who wants a romantic relationship with them, regardless of the level of mutual interest. I feel this is an uncompromiseable impasse. If I push her to give up her "friends" she'll resent me, and if she doesn't, I'll eventually get fed up. I know I'll always have to put up with guys making passes at her... that's life, but I shouldn't have to deal with guys who want more than friendship always calling her, wanting to take her places or spending time in their home. If I'm wrong, maybe I should find someone who believes wrong like I do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2007): She's playing games. Either she hasn't completely made up her mind about you, therefore she's "keeping her options open"....or she's so insecure, she needs constant validation from other men. Either way it's a lose-lose. Tell her how you feel. If she resents you for making her let go of her so-called male friends, she didn't love you in the first place. It's pretty simple. When a woman is in love with a man, male friends become less important, and these guys are hardly what I would classify as "friends"....Good luck
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