A
male
age
51-59,
*ax Payne
writes:My GF told me she was intimate with another woman when we were first dating casually. She said it was set up by a guy friend she met online and casually dated, but was never interested in. The other woman was also a friend of this guy and met him online too. She said it was set up by him on his B-day for them to be intimate with him watching. I was told about this after we became serious. I did not know it occurred. I asked her if he was involved, and she told me he watched in a chair while they were in bed, and he never touched her. She said there were "rules." She seemed to act as though I would understand the "rules" explanation and never told me what they were. Later, she told me he got in bed with them and was naked like they were and only kissed her shoulder. But like the first story, this story does not make sense to me either. It is just a gut feeling. It happened before we were serious, but I feel I should know the truth since she brought it up to me without me asking. I don't necessarily care what happened except if she is lying to me, it impairs my trust in her now and in the future because I don't understand why she would lie. She gets defensive when I asked why the story changed and if he was in bed naked with them and there were no rules why he would simply kiss her on the shoulder and not try anything else. She never gives me an explanation such as she told him he could not touch her any further or she hit his hand away. It worries me that if she is willing to make up a whole story about this incident, she may not be trustworthy in what she has told me while we have been serious or in our future together. Do I believe her or does this story seem shaky like my gut tells me?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (10 October 2012):
 Actually her account does sound plausible. Not everyone is an active participant in a group encounter. And I've heard (and read of) many men talk of watching two women 'going at it'. It is very common for the guy to sit back and enjoy a free show. And I can also see him starting out on the bed, then moving closer to them so he can stroke or kiss one or the other, but nothing more.Obviously I can't tell you if anything more happened, but what she has told you so far, voluntarily I might add, does indeed sound believable.However, regardless of the reason, your trust is gone and when that happens it's near impossible to get it back again. That episode is really none of your business and you are not entitled to any more details than she's already foolishly provided. Drilling her for more encroaches upon her boundaries. If you don't think you can trust her, then it would probably be better for both of you to gracefully walk away. Hopefully she'll think twice before vomitting out her sexual past with the next guy she meets.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 October 2012):
 I've had girl on girl play where male partners have done nothing but watch.
I've had girl on girl play where the male played with one girl and not the other....
she brought it up on her own and didn't have to tell you at all... she took a risk as it was.
so if she tells you something else (like he actually did touch her) and it's a lie but she tells you to "shut you up" so to speak (esp. if you are bugging her about it)
will that make a difference.
at this point she's dammed if she does, dammed if she doesn't.
you don't believe her now
will you believe her if she tells you what you believe to be the truth?
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (9 October 2012):
 Frankly, I believe her - only because I did something very similar long ago. (Don't even ask.) Some men enjoy being voyeurs, they just want to watch. They might touch you briefly - and in line with the "rules" just to reinforce that it's real - like watching live porn.
But even if she is leaving out some details - why do you need to know everything anyway? Is there some sort of deal-breaker hiding in the details? If she had slept with this guy, would you be done?
She told you this of her own volition. I see no reason to assume she told you just to lie about it. And frankly, if there are a few things about this night that she'd rather leave in the past, then I think that's okay to do. If you say that you were casually dating and not exclusive, then she did nothing wrong.
I think that you're mislead. She told you this part of her past, and it was met with suspicion and accusations. I guess I get why she might have gotten a bit defensive. Don't get me wrong, I don't think you're a bad guy at all. But I do think that you're a bit mislead here. Best of luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): "It worries me that if she is willing to make up a whole story about this incident, she may not be trustworthy in what she has told me while we have been serious or in our future together."
Your concerns are valid and legitimate. At this point, given that she has already changed her story once, she is not trustworthy. Assuming she's tailoring the details to what she assumes is within the limits of your tolerance and understanding.
"Do I believe her or does this story seem shaky like my gut tells me?"
At this point, given that she has already changed her story once, you can't believe her and you should trust your gut. It would seem that she comes first and you are a very distant second.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): Hmm I would say she would have better not opening pandora box, as look what a mess it's made..
I would speak openly to her, you sound like a nice guy just say look you raised this then never really filled me in and I'm also confused as so would I be I mean who gets up naked and kisses just a shoulder, so as she opened it, you can certainly from my opinion ask questions or voice concerns..
Just remember it is her past..
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