A
male
age
41-50,
*etrolhead
writes:we been together for just over 2 years now, at the start was good and we have sex all the time, after 6 months she moves into my place and the sex goes down hill right away. in the past year we hardly ever have sex, from once a week down to now once a month or less if we really have to and if we do have sex will be really fast to get it over.problem is, we were both little fat when we met, after she moved in i've gain a little weight, i was 78 now 85kg.she was about same as me, but she gain so much weight is so obvious she don't fit into her clothes anymore. i am guessing she is near 100kg. and she is not tall only about 165cm or less.she used to give me BJ and initiate it now she just gotten so lazy and will never do it even if i ask(which turns me off if i have to ask), she would still like me to lick her off and have sex but i really can't function anymore. now days i walk on the street almost every girl are thinner than her and very sexy. i just can't get excited over her anymore. and she is not trying hard enough to lose weight or initiate any foreplay or sex. only thing will happen is i like her off and then she will spread legs. most the time i go to bed we will just play games on smartphone instead of play with each other. the last 3 times we actually did something is just me licking her off and then go sleep.we have talked about this seriously before, and i've told her what i would like her to do. she said she loves me but just won't do it. i really love her and want to stay with her but i just can't imagine spending the future years with no sex as this will not get any better. what should i do, is there any other way to make her more sexy and be more active with sex?
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male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (27 February 2012):
Good sex starts with feeling good about youself (youselves). It sounds like you are sliding into a bad lifestyle. Apart from sex the other thing that is fun to do with a partner is eat and drink. It sounds like you are overindulging in the latter? It is also fun to get healthy together, make healthier food and exercise together, swimming, walking, etc etc. Machines and gyms are good but get boring and need disciplin to keep going wheread long walks or cycles, maybe with a picnic is much more fun. I think its pretty norman for people to lose sex drive when out of shape. Also if she is taking birth control pills that will have a negative impact on weight and sex drive. Maybe talk to a doctor?
Avoid quick fix solutions as they rarely are, look for some lifestyle changes. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2012): you need both lose weight for your health and then maybe your sex life will improve. it could be she is no longer attracted to you due to your weight also. do some things to bring back interest for both of you. exercising together is a good idea as well as following a healthier diet.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2012): "she said she loves me but just won't do it."
There you go OP. You have a problem, she's not willing to fix it, therefore you have a choice of no sex with a selfish girl who wants head but won't give it or you can move on.
I agree with the previous poster on one thing though OP. I think it's time you started working out. You talk about wanting her to lose weight but you don't say you need to, but you do. So get on that. Maybe she feels unattracted to you because of your weight and doesn't get turned on by you anymore. That's kind of the way it is for you regarding her like.
If I were you I'd just forget about sex for now and if she wants to be licked then she can give you head too, but she doesn't get to have her cake and eat it. You have to give to receive and I can see why you would be so turned off by a woman who has lost all will to pleasure you.
Start working out and eating healthily. Maybe that will rub off on her and she'll follow suit. Maybe you getting fit and more toned may make you more appealing to her and it will certainly raise your sex drive. Do that for a few months and stick to masturbating. If the situation remains the same after that then at least you'll be a fitter, stronger, more confident man returning to the dating scene.
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