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male
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anonymous
writes: My partner and i have been togeather for 5 years and are now married.However she has no sex drive at all!.When we do eventually have sex we have only ever done it with her on top and she will not try any other position as she says it hurts. but manages it on top well enough.This has become a really big deal for me but when i try to talk about it with her she gets upset.She has'nt had a bad experience in the past as i am her first.She allways puts off sex when i would like it and never approaches me for sex.Any ideas??????
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male
reader, Sonworshipper +, writes (21 November 2006):
Remember that for women sex has got more to do with trust, relaxation and other psychological needs than it is for us.
She needs to "feel" that you're earnest and that you're truly interested in her well being so that you're not just doing her favours to get her in the sack. I'm happy to hear that you're her first, that means sooooo much more because she waited for you to give herself to.
So respect her for her lack of sexperience and go out of your way to make her everyday pleasurable. I say this because married women (especially with children) have so many things to keep on top of, that it's really difficult to relax completely - so a undertanding husband will turn her on alot quicker than one who watches TV then wants a quicky 5 minutes before going to bed. Women consider every touch, every gesture, every longing kiss, all these acts of love are signs that she's cherished. Make it your goal to do these things as life-play instead of a couple of minutes of prescripted fore-play.
And lastly go to this site for pointers on how to make her feel loved and cherished (as well as put a smile on her face that will have to be surgically removed).
www.angelfire.com
Good luck!
A
male
reader, Green +, writes (17 November 2006):
There's probably a deeper issue here that probably has nothing to do with sex. It sounds like she's repressing something, perhaps something she's afraid to talk to you about. If I were you, I'd approach it from a female perspective. A lot of men show love through sex, but a lot of women show love through romance and emotion. Be romantic. Run her a bath when she gets home, get some massage oil and give her a nice full massage and be extremely caring and generous. Now here's the tough part: Don't expect or ask for sex. Don't even bring it up. If she asks if you're doing this just because you want sex, tell her that this is for her and tonight is her night. The more you do this and NOT expect sex, the closer she will feel to you and sex will then come naturally instead of coldly "expected". Of course, if there *are* deeper issues here, the only thing that will help is when she finds and expresses to you the root of her issue.
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