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My g/f's ex put raunchy photos of her on facebook

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 August 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 15 August 2009)
A male Canada age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I'm 29, my girlfriend's 26. She came to me in tears last night saying she'd found pictures of herself on Facebook on one of her friends photo albums.

She said they were raunchy private ones she'd had taken by an ex-boyfriend of hers about 4 years ago, and she thought she'd disposed of them. Obviously her ex-boyfriend hadn't. She said she's grown up since then and doesn't like "private photos" anymore.

I respect her wishes, and wouldn't do that.

She'd also told me that there'd been a website set up with photos of her on it too - the very same photos.

She reported it to the webhost and the site was closed that day.

Unfortunately for her, she's embarrassed that these photos are on Facebook.

We want to report it to the police - except, the ex-boyfriend who did it was a policeman, she said.

We're worried about if the photos are going to appear elsewhere - how can we deal with this?

Despite all this, our relationship is still going strong, we've not let it get to us.

View related questions: facebook, her ex

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009):

Doesn't matter if he's a policeman. I'm sure he's not the only one in your area. Policemen do not have diplomatic immunity just for being cops. Report him.

~Sy.

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A male reader, GrimmReality United States +, writes (15 August 2009):

GrimmReality agony auntReport them to Facebook security at once! One thing about Facebook is that they are more family oriented(at least they purport to be) and generally anything anyone complains about is dealt with very fast over there. Remember that terms of service state there that when posting a photo the poster has to agree that they have the right to post them. He does not, therefore he is violating the terms of service. Get his butt thrown off there!

But I also am gonna play a little "devil's advocate". This guy obviously has feelings for your GF. Being he is a cop don't even go there. Take the case to a lawyer and see what applicable laws in Canada have been broken by the posting. Then either threaten him with a lawsuit and/ or an order of protection. That kind of stuff is considered cyberstalking down here, and is punishable by law,in some states. I suppose there are some provinces in Canada where it is applicable as well.

However, I am going to also give you a word of caution about this GF of yours.

She "said" she has grown up. Remember actions are louder than words.

we all know that things that are deleted in cyberspace are never really deleted. Once somebody posts a photo anyone can go to it and grab it. It will most likely appear on more sights than you even know of.

we also know that in an instance like this that if they have had no contact for so long that it is quite unlikley he would wait 3 or four years to post these on Facebook unless there was a recent contact of some sort between the two.

Once again I am not trying to be the harbinger of doom, but please consider any and all possibilities before you take any one's word as Gospel.

something about this (out of the blue he posts these) does not seem right. I fear there is more to this story.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009):

This one is TOO easy... you've missed the obvious here...

First, I'd research facebooks policy on posting photos and determine if he's violated them. I'd suggest hiring an attorney, as letters from law firms get a lot more attention than one from an ex-girlfreind. I'd have a letter written up and sent certified to the guy and give him 24 hours to get them down and destroy all copies. Non-compliance would result in not only his superiors knowing as well as the media. There have been cases where law officers have done STUPID things on the internet and lost their jobs... certainly he's not that stupid.

Your GF needs to be ready to put this out in the open - odds are good that he'll realize that what he's done is 1,000 time more detrimental to him than her, but unless she's willing to take action, she'll be the victum. Keep in mind that reporting this to the media need only mention HIS name, not hers...

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