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male
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anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have a problem. She has a friend whom she has known about a year or so longer than me. My girl calls her her best friend, but I truly believe it's one sided. She basically takes advantage of my girlfriends nature to do things for people. She is constantly getting her to watch her grandkids, or clean up her house, or alot of other things for free. Friends do that,... for one another. But thats just it, her friend only takes, she never gives. She is always putting her down and treating her like a child. That being said, my biggest issue I have is that my girl does not want her to know that we are together. She says it's because she is always meddleing in her relationships, and I tend to agree. She basically found out that me and my girl are together and got pissed off about it to my girl because she lied to her about us. My point is, Why does she give a damn? Why does it matter to her anyway? I used to think there might be something going on between those two, but I KNOW there is not. I think it has to do with the fact that before I came along all she had to do was tell my girl to jump and she would do it. But my girl wants to be with me most of the time and I don't think she can stand losing that control over her. I told my girl in not so many words that maybe it's best if 100% truth comes out about us to her. Her daughters already know and even my girl's friends mother knows. Did I do the right thing in telling her to do this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI dont know why she loves that woman so much, as bad as she treats her. I think it's more the friendship she has with the rest of the family that she enjoys. I am friends with them too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009): Yes, it is kind of ridiculous that she has to walk on eggshells around her "best friend" and that she is so concerned about her approval of your relationship....something is not right here.....you say she does these things for her friend for free, but is that the truth or is their money exchange going on.
It could be that her friend is just insecure and afraid of going to the bottom of her priority list because of you....tell her to reassure her friend that you are not going to interfere in their friendship if she doesn't interfere in yours and that her friend will have to understand a NO once in awhile.
Your girlfriend suffers from the people pleasing disease, she has a right to say NO to anything she doesn't have time for or want to do....she teaches other people how to treat her....and it is your girlfriend's place and responsibility to put her foot down with this friend, not yours because she has the relationship with her not you....so yeah, you did the right thing telling her what you think is the right thing to do.
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