A
male
age
30-35,
*piii
writes:My fiance is becoming increasingly unhappy with her weight. She isn't fat at all, but she thinks she is. She is 5'11" and weighs 140lbs. She's actually quite slender. But tonight she had a really bad break down about it and decided to start a diet/exercise routine, which is great because I would like to start one myself. However, in her late teen years (we're both 23)she developed a bad eating disorder full of binging and purging. I'm afraid that she's going to fall back into this. I'm extremely scared for her. What can I do? I've asked her to promise me that she won't do it, but I am worried that a promise won't be enough.
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female
reader, synchrohobbit +, writes (29 November 2011):
 You need to express your concern that she is so worked up about her weight. You obviously cannot control anything she does, but you can ask if she would go to some counseling (with you if that helps) before making any changes. She will be resistant, but I can tell you from personal experience it takes a terrible toll on a relationship. I hope you find help!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 November 2011):
 Will she be open and honest with you about her ED?
if so then perhaps you can work together...to get more fit.
she's clearly NOT fat.
I'm 5'2" and she weighs less than I do and I'm wearing a size 4/6...
did she get treatment for her ED last time? does she want/need to go back to the therapist for a bit of a refresher?
maybe you guys can start working out and eating healthy together... but NOT dieting...
btw if she lifts weights and gains muscle she will weigh more than she does not but be a smaller size....
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (29 November 2011):
 You're right a promise from her isn't enough. Not because you can't trust her, but because an eating disorder is a mental disorder that cannot be overcome just through her thinking about it hard enough. It's one thing for a thin person to try to lose weight, it's quite another for a thin person with a history of an eating disorder to have a breakdown and start this. She needs professional help, and soon. The sooner you can get her help, the shorter her recovery will be. You should sit her down and tell her you're concerned that she's falling back into her old habits. If you don't feel comfortable with that (it can be hard, since she'll probably be furious with you for it) you should try contacting her parents.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): "But tonight she had a really bad break down about it and decided to start a diet/exercise routine, which is great because I would like to start one myself. "
No this is not "great" because (a) it's not normal to have a breakdown about her weight when objectively she's not fat. This shows she has a mental illness that needs to be addressed by a professional. (b) You know her history of eating disorders, so you can bet there's a 99% chance that if she starts this new diet/exercise routine as a result of her breakdown over her weight, that it's going to wind up as an eating disorder cycle again.
Making her promise won't do any good because clearly she's out of control, or sliding into that chaos. She can and probably will make the promise to you, it's just words after all and anyone can say anything. but I'm quite sure she will then fail to keep the promise.
Make no mistake: she needs professional help if she's still having breakdowns about her weight when she's at a normal weight. I mean, it's not normal for people to have breakdowns over their weight, period. It's really a breakdown over their self worth, which is a mental/emotional problem not a physical one. So it needs to be addressed as such, not by dieting or exercising.
You should gently tell her this, but you can't really make her want to get help if she doesn't want to. Just continue to tell her your concern and that she needs help. Because that's all you can do. Don't encourage her to pursue her dieting, thinking that if she reaches her 'goal' then the problem will go away, you know by now it won't.
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