A
male
age
30-35,
*eaf_Fan_90
writes:Hey there ive just got small question that im just having trouble figureing out in my head..Recently since around may of this year till now i have gained a few pounds not much but enough that you can tell. This morning my GF said to me that she thinks i should hit the gym and work on my muscles dose this mean that shes starting to find me sexually unatractive or am i just thinking about it way to hard? cause i mean it kinda hurt. ( sorry about my spelling im very bad at it )
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): She probably said it to encourage you to get back in shape. She was a bit more sensitive with you than I was with my fiancé when I tried to convince him to begin exercising more for his health. He was 180 when we met (underweight for his height and frame) but he gained over 120 pounds over the next seven years. I gave up trying to convince him to go because the more I tried to encourage him to go for his health, the less he seemed to care.When he hit 300 pounds, he finally became concerned about his health and began to visit the gym. He lost 50 pounds in six months and continues to visit the gym a few times a week. Most likely she is concerned about your health. When a person who has been in shape most of their life starts to let themself go, it is often assumed to be a symptom of something bigger, like depression. Exercise is good for your body. If you decide to begin working out again, do it for you...for the positive way it makes you feel. Any attention she gives your 'muscles' and you is just an added perk. ;-)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): if you've gained weight, you should hit the gym for her. yes it's possible she finds your new weight gain unattractive, that's not her fault she can't help the way she feels. it's unfair to your partner if you've let yourself go and still expect them to find you as attractive as before. she's doing you a favor by telling you in a polite and subtle way that she wants you to lose the pounds. It would be far worse if she kept quiet for fear of hurting your feelings, only to slowly lose her physical attraction to you because that will show through eventually if that happened.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (2 October 2011):
 I think what she said was insensitive and I can see why you are hurt and can't forget about it. I also think if it was a guy saying it to a girl, most aunts would say he was being rude and should love you no matter how you look.
Well that's true, your girl should still be attracted to you if she loves you. If you've only gained a little bit you will still look like the guy she first met, just maybe not as buff. But people change in appearance all their life, so don't feel bad about it. Also, don't hit the gym just to please your girlfriend, if you are happy the way you are. If she loves you for who you are, she should still love you and be attracted to you with a few extra pounds. However, if you are unhappy with the way your body has changed, maybe doing what she suggested would be a good thing? She maybe just meant it as a helpful suggestion. Have you mentioned your weight gain and expressed unhappiness? She could have offered it as a solution. Or if she just said it out of the blue, it was insensitive but at least she is an honest person and says what she really thinks. If she loves you she only wants the best for you. Looking our best makes us all feel happier. Maybe she just wants that for you as she has seen the change in you?
Or she could just be a shallow person and wants you to look how she wants you to look regardless of how you feel about it. Only you can judge her character and you know her best.
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A
female
reader, mervy  +, writes (2 October 2011):
 My boyfriend is of a slight build, he's less muscular than he used to be. I, on the other hand am quite curvy. He never has been to a gym, and I go several times a week. I'm always on at him to do some exercise because it's GOOD for him! I personally couldn't care less if he had muscles or not - I just want to make sure he's healthy.
I wouldn't worry too much - if you want to get to the gym anyway, now's your chance. Don't feel self conscious, if she loves you she'll love you even if you have gained a few pounds.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (2 October 2011):
 If you recently gained weight and she told you to hit the gym, it means she wants you to drop the extra pounds. It may not mean that she finds you unattractive, but she basically wants you to look as you did before. If she is telling you to work on the muscles, I have to ask this: did you have muscles before? If so, she wants you to go back to your former self, and if not, she is voicing her preference for a buffer man. You could always ask her what she wants exactly and voice your concerns.
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