A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I came across this site while searching something regarding rejection. I came across a lady an year back who were good in talking. I was a guy who got burnt due to broken engagement in 2004. the girl also had a burnt past so naturally we came close to each other as friends. During four years I had "killed" my all feelings and tried to keep myself busy. One day I fought with her and blocked her on MSN and didn't talk for 3 months because she had gone to other country without informing me which made me pissed. By that time we were not lovers. I didn't talk her for four months. She tried to talk to me but I gave a cold response. I wanted to run away from her because I had fear that something bad would happen.In May I txted her for saying Hi. she replied me back and she also expressed that she likes me and said that she knew she can't get what she wants. Maybe I was also waiting for that and willingly unwillingly I decided to go for her. I didn't want to cheat her thus told every weakness of mine. She belongs to a well off family and me not. I didnt want her to suffer coz of me. Infinite times I asked her to think again before advancing further and she kept saying,"Not everyone is same". she gave me "assurance" that it would not happen again. I also thought that she had suffered too so would understand better my sorrows. I also had told her about my screwed up family that how I was neglected by parents. Thus she knew every weakness of mine. She was also burnt and my love made her happy again. we were too sensitive for each other and used to get emotional for each other. Within 3 months we were madly in love for each other. We decided to be life partner. She knows I am not so sound financially but she said tht she just need someone who cared us. She is 26 thus her parents were pressurizing her to get married. I was not strong candidate for her parents. She is Masters in IT and I am Bachelor in Engineering. She has been drivin car for years and I didnt have a car. I tried to get a car for her, tried to learn driving for her. I was jobless at the time she came in my life. I joined a job which was not so suitable for me and I just joined because I didnt want to appear as jobless in front of family.In short after 3 months I sent my parents to her home. My mom didnt want me to marry someone of my choice and I lost my ex fiance due to her. she is kind of possessive. The other day after going her to home, my mom called her mom and told that she didnt like her daughter and all. This started the whole mess. In return my girl got angry and pissed which was natural. She got mad at me and said lot of things to me, she got mad at my family. She said she dont wanna live my mom and said me to live separate out of my city. It was not possible coz i am the only son and parents are aged. Later I agreed to live separate in same city coz that was feasible for both of us but initially she agreed than refused. she was being like a kid.. she didnt try to understand. She knew that she was my weakness. She used to say I was her biggest desire and wht not... I didnt know what was happening.. all off sudden she got against me..she knew everything about me..she knew about my family issues yet she didn't try to understand. she asked me for something which I could not do all of sudden; due to parents, due to current financial crisis. she preferred to bear things with out me rather with me. I was not figuring out why this all happening and how she surrendered? She used to say that she would not surrender but she DID!! few weeks back after a month log disconnection she revealed that she was marrying someone else. it was shock..i knew she was lying and she was just doing to send me away.. i felt so low at that time that the guy who was "most wanted" for her had become so worthless hat she started talking lies about her wedding etc. I knew she was lying coz I could figure out conflict in her statement.I was like that someone dragged me out of darkness and left me all alone in middle..I cried many nights.. I know i cant enforce love at her but she didnt try to find solution. She just kept saying that nothing possible and didnt give me a single chance to discuss to resolve it. I now find that she took love as SWEET dish and didnt think about consequences. She had suffered in past and she was the reason she suffered in past and that for her own reason. Later she regretted. I thought she would have learned and would not do again but she did same.She has left me in a state which is miserable. I dont want go give up and dont want be a loser. I want to move on but I am afraid she might come back some day and at that time I might not be able to accept her. Nothing hurt me, the only thing that hurt that she didnt trust me and power of love. I want to get over it. please help! Will she every regret? if yes then what should I do? should I move on and marry someone else or give her more time??
View related questions:
fiance, move on, msn, my ex, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): Thankyou "too sensitive" for your kind answer, it gives me a good feeling. Allow me to elaborate further, This is 3rd time I am going thru in my life. My first ever case was almost similar to this one. I trust the girl and got puzzled and started misbehaving and offending because she had believed that nothing could be done. I tried my best to make her believe that I was not going to leave her but she did not listen. I was like begging her but it didn't make any difference. After all one day I felt that she was not in my heart anymore. I silently moved on and got engaged in 2004 as I mentioned earlier. After few months of engagement the girl called me up, i told her that I was engaged. She didn't believe because she knew I loved her a lot so can't leave her.(Why the heck do people take others granted?). I had to mail her my engagement pics and later she regretted. Later my engagement ended and the first girl tried to come back but I didn't feel anything for her. She begged me but I had nothing inside so how could I bring her back. I had moved on anyway. The poor girl has not got married yet and says that she was facing all this because she hurt me. God knows I had forgiven her at the time I moved away from her but she got late and nothing could happen.This girl also did same and I kept myself to stop her doing this but she didnt listen me. I did not want me and her go thru again but she was being emotional fool ,started offending me in return. I can't do anything now. I am just afraid she does not come back if I move on and since I loved her more so it would be hurting me more. All she is doing is due to her abnormal attitude due to tension of circumstances. Unfortunately there is no middle person who could resolve it. YES i do wanna move on and I will move on. I lost in past but got up again and I will get up again for sure.Yes I agree with you that another relationship is not remedy of forgetting old, specially at this moment when everything related to her has started making me angry now..i can't say anything to her other than getting pissed at myself..then thinking about mom makes me more restless. Two most important women in my life didn't understand me and tried to manipulate me according to their own. It hurts more.will I be called a cheater or disloyal because I would move one day? Thanks
A
female
reader, Too Sensitive  +, writes (11 December 2008):
Sometimes other people who meddle in our affairs (in this case, your family) cause the demise of a relationship. However, I think when this happens, there are other factors at play as well. If a relationship is strong enough, it will survive meddling from outsiders, if it is really meant to be.
Timing can also be a factor. Sometimes a person makes a certain decision b/c they have not matured enough from an emotional standpoint. Or they are just not willing to wait for a more positive outcome (i.e., for your financial and living situation to change). A true couple will work together to resolve these types of issues, or any issue that arises, for that matter.
I am so sorry that you are going through this heartbreak. No one deserves it, but unfortunately, it is part of life and love. Let me tell you, though, that you can and will survive it, and when you do, you will be a better and stronger person for it.
She may or may not have regrets down the line. If she does have regrets, she may choose to keep them to herself. If it is true love and it is meant to be, then love will find a way and the 2 of you will be together at some future point. I wouldn't count on this, though.
If I were you, I would not sit around hoping she'll change her mind. I would work on healing yourself and ultimately moving on. However, before you can be successful with someone else, you truly have to forgive her and truly have to move on. You will know in your heart when that time has come. In the interim, when you are feeling better, it would be good for you to just date, keep busy with work, family, friends, hobbies and interests. But do allow yourself time to grieve, for you have suffered a tremendous loss.
You may always feel as though you love her, and that is fine. That does not mean you won't be able to move on, and that does not mean you won't be able to love someone else and have a great loving relationship with someone else, even marriage. As they say, "what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger". It's true.
Think back. You've aleady survived at least one previous relationship that ended. Take strength in that. Try not to "kill your feelings" this time, though. Let yourself feel, let yourself grieve in your private moments. If you bury your feelings, as difficult as it may be to allow yourself to feel them, you will not be able to heal and move on.
And please I hope you don't ever beat yourself up for having failed relationships. You are not alone. Most of us have had to experience several of these before we find the one person we are supposed to be with.
Good luck to you, and let us know how you're doing.
...............................
|
