A
female
age
36-40,
*ternitylove
writes:Hello! Currently I have been having troubles with a male friend/ex bf and wanted to gain some insight from it.My friend and I date when we were very young (15-16) for about it year. He ended up cheating on me, I forgave him and he ended up breaking my heart and dating one of my good friends. of course that didnt end well, there was alot of fighting and yelling from both sides and we ended up not talking to each other for about 4 years. I have a bf now but one day we recently become ran into each other and started a having sex again. He made it very clear to me not to like him again as he was seeing other people at the same time as well. Sex is really great eventually, we became friends again. We would hang out and go out, he even showed me to his friends. We were getting very very close emotionally and one day i told him i didnt think i could be with my bf anymore (as i was cheating and didnt want to lead him on) and he asked me if it was because of him and i said it was 50% because of him and told me that we shouldnt talk anymore. I defended my answer and told him if it wasnt him, it would be someone else, my feelings for my bf were just fading and i couldnt stand to lie to him anymore. after long convincing we were okay again. He suddenly became depressed and during this time i tried to cheer him up as much as possible but,one day i told him that we were talking way too much and said that we should cut down a little like no phone calls everyday, and he said alright. but that cut down to even texts, however he still talked to me the same way when we did talk and it seemed like he was happy to talk to me. Eventually i told him that we shouldnt have sex anymore, and he sounded very sad and that was it. I tried to reach out to him and ask him if he was mad at me but all he kept on saying was dont worry about it and i dont know right now....and is completely avoiding me. we are supposed to go away together with our friends in about 2 weeks and he knows hes gonna have to see me everyday for 2 weeks, so why is he acting so strange?any suggestions would be helpful thank you!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eternitylove +, writes (17 December 2009):
eternitylove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice, sometimes you do need to hear it from someone else to have it really hit you.
I need to be honest with my bf and cut ties with the other guy.
thanks again
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2009): You don't start with giving a guy sex and then try to step it up to a relationship later. You can spend years of your life trying this but it won't work.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (10 December 2009):
 He told you he didn't want a relationship with you, and you've now complicated things by telling him you want more. He's not comfortable with that and is avoiding the whole issue. He basically told you from the get go that he's in it for the sex only, the friendly part is just to keep you willing for sex.
I would cut my losses with this guy, have some dignity and treat him politely but distantly when you have to see him. I also had to learn the hard way that when a guy tells you he doesn't want a relationship, he doesn't want a relationship. There's not a lot you can do about that. Just try not to hurt innocent bystanders, I guess, like your boyfriend who got cheated on.
Take care.
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