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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: Please help urgently if you can..My daughters fiance and I had a big argument today.He thinks he is in the right,and I know I am in the right.He was drinking all day at the casino and lost all his money,while my daughter went shopping.They are here on holiday and go back home tomorrow.He got very abusive towards me, verbally, and this has left a bad taste in all our mouths.I told him to never speak to me in that tone again,I wont stand for it.Seeing as we both think we are in the right,how are we going to clear the air? I have been very accepting of him for my daughters sake,as he has lots of issues and does things I dont approve of, but now this has happened, I dont feel the same about him anymore.I want to keep the peace for my child's sake.Please help!!How do I handle the situation?
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female
reader, Granny +, writes (4 January 2007):
 I agree that you should have a quiet word with your daughter to ask if she is happy and okay to be engaged to a person like this. Try to stay as calm and controlled as you can though it may not be easy. Important thing to remember is not to say too much against her fiance because she will feel honor-bound to defend him - he is after all her choice and she brought him into your home so will feel partly responsible for him too.
Tell her you love her, tell her your concern, try if you can perhaps to say something like "gosh honey, these things sometimes happen on a holiday when a man can't hold his liquor!" (only if this is your character and relationship to your daughter). Watch her reactions and go with the flow. If she stands by her man and not you, advise her to keep the car and house in her name, no shared accounts and to wait at least 2 more years til they marry.
A
female
reader, kath +, writes (4 January 2007):
 most parents want the best for their siblins thats natural but what you want isnt going to be what your daughter needs. I would make a time for your daughter and son in law to call or go to them asap to say that not everyone can get along with everyone all the time and maybe it would be better for you all to put the argument in the past. life is their to be lived! you also should have a moment with your daughter and make sure she is happy. ask here if he gambles when home he may need help, if he does and your daughter is going to need your support. good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2007): Daughter should seek counselling ASAP for her husband as he has many abusive traits; even borderline sociopath as he has no remorse for what he has done.
Alcohol abuse and gambling, verbal abuse...
Is there family where daughter lives?
It is clear that this man will have a very hard time mending his ways.
I strongly believe no person should tolerate abuse as it esculates to violence.
Why would daughter become so invovled with such a man? Has daughter suffered from low self esteem? Was she ever in counselling?
It's time for you, Mom to pay for her individual counselling. Tell her she has to make a commitment to see a counsellor as she needs to talk to someone about her abusive relationship with this man and she needs to admit to it and then decide what she is going to do about it. A counsellor will aid her on this path.
BF needs counselling too and if he refuses...your daughter should get the heck out of there.
I hope things get better.
*hugs*
And you did the right thing. He needs to know that it is not normal for a man to drink and gamble away all his money. He will get into serious debt and debt...makes people do the most greivious of things.
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