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female
,
anonymous
writes: Me and my fiance are very happy together and are getting married next year. The only problem is that his mother is always interfering! She phones him constantly and is always tring to tell him what to do! It's really annoying! What shal I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2006): Tell your fiance that it is his responsibility to work out any issues with his mother that are interfering with your future life together, you don't want to cause problems between them by fighting with her or telling her what to do. You have a right to expect your mother in law not to tell your husband what to do when it comes to anything that affects your life together. If it is something that is not important I would try to let it go, but if he is ocnstantly running over to help her and leaving you, this does not bode well for your marriage together.
It is his responsibility to fix the relationship with his own mother as they have the history together not you. He needs to set some boundaries, and try some other options for taking care of her needs, like asking for help elsewhere, hiring it done or what ever they need to do.
Good Luck with this one.
A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (3 November 2006):
 I know how u feel really. You want a close bond with your fiance where both of you can plan things together and decide what to do without interferences.
I really do believe that your fiance has a really close bond with his mother. I dont believe she is intentional doing this, i feel it is what both of them have been used to. I believe with time when u she fully get's the picture that you are now his wife her interferences might become minimal.
But in the mean time try to encourage your fiance to let you into his plans so that when you are aware of the issues first and help him sort things out there will be no need for his mother to be involved because i do feel he has a part to play in this as well. Becareful how u approach this issue because of the bond between the two of them so u dont get in the middle.
I do believe u will be alright. Dont worry too much, all will be well. If he can develop a bond like that with his mother hopefully with time he will develop a greater bond with you(the woman) he loves.
Goodluck dear.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2006): Hi there,
i was in a long term relationship with someone whose mother was the same. She was divorced from his dad and seemed like she had nothing better to do, he said he was going to move out with me and that made her very upset and in the end it ruined our relationship and we split up. AS you are getting married I doubt this it what is going to happen so something you shouldn;t worry about. She may well be very jealous though that you are now the main woman in his life rather than her. This is very common.
If he is an only child or her only son it is very difficult for some mother's to let go, especially if they were very close.
I am sure it will work out - if it really gets to you talk to him or to his mother saying you are getting married and you need your time together as a couple, meaning you need to make decisions together. You should be able to take to your fiance about this. I am sure he will understand.
Hope it goes well.
x
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