A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm in an open relationship with a 30 y.o. co-worker who is involved with at least one other woman seriously. We're just friends with benefits, and he claims to feel no guilt over being with me, but he is unable to reach orgasm while inside of me. This has happened ever since we first got together two months ago. I have no idea if this is a lifelong issue or just with me. He does have a 2 year old daughter, so he must not have always had this problem. He said he's at home alone a lot with his daughter, taking care of her. I also know he masturbates to porn. I've never confronted him about the problem, we don't really talk about it. He just apologizes if he goes soft. But if I perform oral on him for a while and use my hands just right, he can climax with no problem. I don't think I'm too loose because I was with a guy before him who had no problems climaxing inside my vagina. Also, the 1st time it happened my guy claimed it never happened before, but when I asked if he was feeling guilty about being with me he said it was performance anxiety and he gets over it or has a shot or two to help, so obviously it did happen before. Do you think he's just like this with me and why? Should I dump this guy or try to work things out? We get along great and he does other things, like performing oral on me, to satisfy me, but it is sorta frustrating/embarrassing.
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (6 December 2008):
 First of all, guys who become accustomed to fellatio (blow jobs) may become resistant to ejaculation during vaginal intercourse. Frankly, I did many years ago -and even more honestly, I so much preferred the oral sex finish that I learned to sometimes endure almost any amount of intercourse without climaxing so that girlfriends would finally conclude the session with fellatio. Why? Simply because it feels so fantastic and provides the best possible relief. But I also dedicated to providing the wife's or girlfriend's orgasms beforehand, and still do so, usually in multiples.
Perhaps your mate is similarly addicted to the sweet lips, and I doubt that what you consider a "problem" is anything more than a "preference" for oral satisfaction. However, women also love to feel their man release vaginally, and he should agree to do so at least occasionally. There should be a healthy balance and variety, in my opinion.
By the way, women dearly love cunnilingus (oral stimulation of the vulva/clitoris) as well. For many women, it is greatly more stimulating and satisfying than vaginal intercourse when well performed. Both fellatio and cunnilingus are obviously more popular these days, but neither is anything new. Both have been practiced for ages, but I think that pornography exacerbates (increases) the desire for oral sex and is the primary stimulus for the growing popularity of all kinds of oral sexual activity in the last 20 - 30 years or so. As a mature woman, it is your decision whether oral sex as an occasional preference is right for you.
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