A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Ive come to the realisation lately that I need to make new friends. I have one friend who I would say isa true and great friend...but she lives in my hometown which is across the otherside of the country! My 'friends' that i have made where I live now arent very good ones. They pretty much use and abuse me. So I want to make some new, healthy friendships. But the thing is, i am so shy, which is part of the reason why ive stuck with these friends who arent veyr good friends. Im to afraid to put myself out there and make new friends.Im 19 years old and go to univeristy. Im find talking to other classmates about uni work and stuff...but when it comes to personal stuff and asking them to hang out, i cant do it. I think the thought that holds me back is, I think that they wouldnt want to be friends with me. I see how close they are to all these other people at university, so i think 'well what use am i? they already have heaps of friends'. There is this one girl who is in one of my classes. Shes really nice i think. she always comes and sits with me and talks to me throughout class and for a bit after. but she usualy cant stay to long after class because she has to pick up her brother. but last class she didnt have to, so she we stayed back and talked for a bit and did some study together.I dont know if she wants to be my friend or not. How do i know? If i knew she wanted to be friends, then iwould gladly ask her to hang out. Do you think it would be weird of me to ask her to hang out or something??? i dont want her to think im weird. I was thinking of first asking her if she wants to meet on a regular basis to study. and then see how that goes, then maybe see if she wants to catch up out of uni. if i do ask her to hang out or something, what sort of things could i invite her to? please give me any advice you can!
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female
reader, Faybelline  +, writes (6 October 2008):
 I totally nderstand what you are going through and making friends isn't easy but, at uni, you are exposed to so many people and social situations it doesn't have to be difficult.
The fact that you have already started to form some kind of relationship with this girl is good; I would say meeting up regularly to study is a brilliant idea to get to know each other and, when you feel more confident, ask if she wants to meet up for drinks sometime. You could even invite her to bring another friend if you felt comfortable meeting someone new.
Don't doubt yourself; I know that's easier said than done. I think you've obviously ha your confidence knocked throughout your life but having the 'friends' you have at the moment can't help and is probably affecting how you view yourself and making you feel like you're not worthy of good friends.
You are worthy of much better friends than these.
If it's easiest, focus on building a friendship with the girl you already talk to a lot. Maybe if you get to know a few people in your class, you could suggest some kind of night out or for you all to go for a meal. You could tell everyone to bring friends along and, that way, you're opening up more gates to meeting people.
It may be difficult, but the only way you will make friends is if you push yourself and try new things; no matter how scared it makes you. Believe me, it will be worth it and what doesn't kill you really does make you stronger!
A
female
reader, lovely lilly +, writes (6 October 2008):
just tell her you fancy a drink ask her to join you. x
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A
female
reader, Taylor-x +, writes (6 October 2008):
 [Moderator's Note]Next time you answer a question, could you please cut out the text-speak!Okay first off;-- ditch your so called mates and make a new because you dont deserve to be treated like crap!---Second of all fight your fears and put yourself out there! Your obviously very reserved and i think thats holding you back from all the friends you can make out there! All you need to do is just be friendly and chat to someone, anyone!!- If you make the effort it wont go unoticed.People will notice you and how lovley you are and maybe they will ask YOU TO hang out! This girl that youve met sounds like a good start! All you need to do is ask her out for a coffee! and if you dont like cofee then just ask her to go get something to eat at starbucks or wherever! It dosent need to be a big deal!I think your big problem is you dont have a lot of confidence in yourself!! Believe in yourself!!I bet you have so much potential but you're just not letting go maybe take up a club or sport or something and ask this girl to go along. Just invite her to do more things together. get to to know her and there you go your first healthy friendship! Good luck! Let me know how it goes!! xTaylor xXx
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