| A
female
,
*aphfire915
writes: hello everyone! I really need some advice about my ex-boyfriend. We were together for 3 years (high school sweetheart) and have been seperated for 3 months now. I found out that he had cheated on me while he was away at school. I confronted him about it, and he denies it and yelled at me to stop spreading lies. All my friends believe that he did indeed cheat on me and they all know him pretty well.I also found out that he has a new gf and they got together 1 week after we broke up! As low as that is, she in a way looks like me, is the exact name I wanted to name our daughter and he said that he hated, and she still lives in our area while he goes away to school. I just want to know if he ever loved me that he's doing this? and why is he doing this? I know that I dont love him anymore because of all this, but I think I do at least want to be friends, being that he was my first love. will he ever come back around? Please help! Thanks so much!
View related questions:
broke up, cheated on me, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2005): I agree with Rebecca-you are seeking a 'final closure' and that is very important. Closure involves talking honestly about what went on in this whole situation. So find a neutral place that it's quiet and you and he can talk. Stay calm, quiet and mature about this. Firstly, go over the good, fun things you had together. Talk about the positive things you learned from this relationship. Then, move on to "tougher times" you had. They were things that challenged your relationship that you both were not able to find solutions to. Don't make it into any kind of accusations-this serves no purpose. But just discuss aspects you two couldn't overcome. Once you both agree what the problems were, it will put everthing into a much clearer perspective for you. Take these new perspectives and learn from them. Always remember, this 'closure meeting' with him is not to lay blame-it's just to help you find resolution so you are better informed and know the challenges that you both faced and both weren't able to work on. These enlightenments will help you to know what to watch for, in your next relationship. Your next relationship will have a better chance of success, because of the knowledge you've gained.
At the end, you should try to still treasure the good! And there's no reason you can't keep being friends and talking. But in the final analysis, learn from this experience and take some positive aspects and apply them to your next relationship. Strive to keep being happy with who you are and keeep believing in yourself. Take care, dear.
Hugs,
Irish
A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (19 September 2005):
 You say you found out he cheated on you but can you be absolutely sure that he did I wonder? Did you only rely on what your friends said or did you have any firm proof?
I'm not sure if that was the reason why you split?
He denied it and you can never really be sure that he did cheat on you. He got another girl-friend very quickly which could be a sign of immaturity on his part or that he wanted to be with someone like you again pretty rapidly. It is hard to say on the basis of the evidence. The fact that she has a name he declared he hated is rather irrelevant really, we can't exactly help what we are called! If you like someone, the fact that they have a name you don't like shouldn't make you turn tail and run. There is a bit more to relationships than that.
You say you don't love him any more so why not just let it go and move on? I think you do still have feelings for him to be troubled like this.
Talk to him, if you can, explain you would still like to be friends. That is all you can do. Move on with your life and try to forget what happened. I know that you need closure from this and perhaps through talking to him you may get some answers but the most important thing you need to do now is look to the future.
Good luck.
...............................
|
