A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hello everyone. a friend of mine has a question. she is in a long distance relationship. she didn't want to go out and have vaginal sex with a stranger so instead she had anal sex with a condom. it didn't mean anything so she is wondering if she should just forget about it and never tell the guy as that would cause him pain and she won't do it again.
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anal sex, condom, long distance, vagina Reply to this Question
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male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (26 November 2010):
Your friend says it didn't mean anything, but imagine if your friends boyfriend told her that he picked up a woman and had anal sex with her.. I'm sure that would mean a hell of a lot to her. This is blatant cheating. Your friend should end it, the relationship obviously isn't going in the right direction for her to have done such a thing.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2010): When did condoms become 100% effective at doing anything? I must have missed that bit of news.
Informing someone that you have just cheated and risked giving them STDs is not an optional thing. It is morally non-negotiable.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): I have to beg to differ with the following assessment.
"A one-off moment of meaningless sex with a stranger, with no emotional involvement and never to be repeated?"
There is no "meaningless sex" and emotional involvement at some level (even if it is internal emotions only) are major issues in this type of behavior. It is highly likely to be repeated. Particularly if she can keep the illusion of secrecy.
"it didn't mean anything"
It means a terrible lot, and she needs to figure out what it means that she would do this or she will continue repeating the mistakes and traumatizing herself and a lot of other people over the years.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): A one-off moment of meaningless sex with a stranger, with no emotional involvement and never to be repeated? And everybody here wants you to confess and possibly ruin a loving relationship?
I don't think so!
Nothing to be gained and everything to lose. Let sleeping dogs lie and forget about it completely.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (23 November 2010):
 She cheated on her partner. Granted not vaginal SEX but it's anal SEX. There isn't a difference in the sexual aspect because it's still sex, just like oral sex is still sex.
She should come clean to her partner and tell him what happened (although I don't understand why she did that with a random stranger)he deserves to know.
Perhaps she should reconsider a long distance relationship? If she doesn't come clean it will eat at her and she will feel extremely guilty. Eventually it will come out anyway.
Just tell him and hopefully he will forgive her and they can move on in their relationship with each other.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): Doesn't matter if it's vagina sex, anal or whether they used protection or not, it's still the same. In fact, I'd see anal as WORSE. Why would she do that/WANT to do that may I ask? But yes, either way, still cheating.
Her LDR definitely deserves to know. I'm sure it would hurt him a lot more if they end up becoming VERY serious and he finds out she's been keeping it from it.
She should tell him and hopefully he'll forgive her. I know I certainly wouldn't.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (23 November 2010):
 Regardless if it was protected anal or if meant nothing, that doesn't justify the fact that she cheated. She obviously cannot handle a LDR if she decided to cheat with a random stranger. I suggest that she come clean to her boyfriend and let him decide the fate of their relationship.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 November 2010):
 She cheated on her partner, long distance or not vaginal or anal its all the same, she had sex with a complete stranger when she knew she was in a relationship, so tell her to not be a coward to own up to her boyfriend about the mistake that she made. He deserves to know the truth. Then she can tell him that it meant nothing to her and it will never happen again and just hope that he forgives her. If he doesnt then she will learn from her mistake. If she doesnt tell him, she might think that it will go away but it wont it will eat away in side of her and she will feel guilty all of the time as she knows she has done this, so its best to come clean and face the consequences.
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