A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Unfortunately this sounds like children. I have a few friends ive never been interested in having lots of friends . Due to work and family commitments we dont get to see each other much nor message much. Two friends ive not spoken to in 2 months and they've been the same with me . The problem im having is i dont feel i can message them i feel like im intruding in their life . They never made any effort with me over the years and it was always me and because i got fed up with it i backed off , My ex best friend would get bullied by these two and i helped her by just being there listening taking her on nights out and not to argue back, to take this slow and keep it calm. , Now she's started to sort things out with one of them . and a couple of week back we were trying to sort a night out she said where she wanted to go and if so and so could come ( i dont like this person she wanted to invite ). I said no so she said ok no night out then which i said was fine with me. She has been showing private messages between me and her to this 'bully' saying i didnt want to go on a night out with her and a few various other things. This has now caused an argument between me and this bully and now my ex best friend whos now playing the victim .The trust has been lost as if she can tell private things to other people what else is she going to do? I know this all sounds like kids in the playground but i dont have a lot of friends and do not want to join groups and clubs to make new ones. I just want to sort out this issue i have with the ones ive got. Its like ive been turned into a punch bag with them . Other friends who know of the situation havent asked how i am or to help with anything . How can i sort this out ?
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best friend, bullied, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2017): op again. Im not controlling who can and cant go out i said i didnt want to go on a night out with the bully so my ex best friend said she didnt want to go out so i said thats fine . I didnt tell her she couldnt go out with the bully and i stay home
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 May 2017):
 But OP it is not your choice if she wants to go out or not you cannot control her or you cannot control your friend who wants to invite other people on a night out, the universe does not revolve around you am afraid.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2017): im the op. im no way going to say sorry to the bully . The night out was all planned for just the 2 of us she then decided to start adding people who i dont like and shes knows i dont like so actually it is my place to say who i do and dont want to spend time with. Your actually telling me every time i dont want a person to come out to i should say sorry . Why should this bully be privileged with an apology ? shes a bully because of things she has done in the past and continues to do . Im am no way cursed with the title of bully just because i didnt want someone to come out on a night out
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (10 May 2017):
Okay well first off define what she has done to be a bully? You excluding her from a night out and telling your other friends that she CANNOT come out could give you the same title. I mean you may not like her but who are you to say to your friend another person is not allowed out. You cannot control that so maybe that is a valuable lesson for you to learn. Also it is clear your best friend felt you where in the wrong also. But yes she did act childish if it was me I would have simply told you that you cannot control who goes on a night out but she stabbed you in the back. If you want to sort this out then you should apologize to the girl you said could not come out as that simply was not your place to decide. As for your best friend well she did stab you in the back so she should be the one to apologize to you.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (9 May 2017):
 You have learnt something very valuable here, you know your ex best friend is not a person to be trusted.
You also know the girl who was a bully is now a woman who is a bully.
Personally I can't see why you would want to keep these people in your life, but its your choice. I can't see any way to solve this so that its a win win situation. You could try approaching them, telling them you feel its got to a point where you are all back in the school ground and ask THEM what they think will resolve the issues.
They might not be interested, in which case you need to decide whether to walk away or continue as their punching bag. On the other hand they might do the reasonable thing and all sit down to talk it out and come to a resolution, the ideal solution.
Think carefully about what you want to say, and how you say it, if you decide to approach them.
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