A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So this isn’t exactly a huge problem but it’s making me uncomfortable and I’m not sure how to deal with it….There is something about my friends boyfriend that make me uncomfortable- I can’t put my finger on it. Now he’s never said or done anything to make me feel like this, In fact he’s quite a nice guy in the sense he’s easy to talk to and sometimes interesting but I feel there’s a dark side to him and when I’m around him I just feel on edge. My friend has been with him for 6 years- they split up in 2018 days as she felt that he didn’t appreciate her and they had a difference of opinion on many things. If I’m being honest I was glad (I didn’t tell her this) but about 8 months later she decided she missed him and they got back together. Here’s the tricky part…. I’m finding it hard to just get her on her own for a drink or meal or a trip to the cinema. Every time I arrange something with her she wants to bring him along and she insists my husband comes too - so we always end up as a foursome.Even on occasions when my husband has been unable to attend her boyfriend still decides to tag along.On one occasion I got hold of 2 theatre tickets and invited her- she was happy to come and then said her boyfriend would also buy himself a ticket to come too.Another time we arranged lunch just the 2 of us and she bought him along too. Now I don’t think it’s him insisting he comes, it’s more her always inviting him.I even suggested to her a “girly spa day” and she responded that her BF would love a spa day and to find something suitable for us all. I give up - I don’t feel I can ask her outright why he has to tag along all the time but at the same time it’s becoming tiresome having him always with us. How can I tactfully get her alone without making her realize I don’t like her boyfriend and I don’t want to hang out with him anymore?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2022): You can't force people to do one on one outings unless they want to. She likes to include her BF in everything she does; and you've tried to separate them. It's evident that she's picking-up your negative vibes against him; and she's not going to let you separate them.
My suggestion is to find yourself some new friends to hangout with. She prefers to hangout as a foursome; but you're not taking the hint. For her, the more the merrier. You're the one in the group with the issue. She can tell you're not keen on him, just by your attitude when he's around. You confirmed any suspicions you don't care for him when you invited her to come alone. You can't persuade her to ditch her boyfriend based on some obscure "feeling;" so you may as well stop trying. He's her #1, no matter how you feel about him.
They come as a pair, conjoined at the hip! If you don't like that arrangement, or don't like him for whatever reason; you'll have to find a new friend somewhere. Maybe a single-lady with no romantic-attachments.
How would you handle it if she was "uncomfortable" about your husband, for no apparent reason? Wouldn't you feel somewhat offended if she deliberately tried to leave him out? Don't forget, she knows you; and may have a notion you're trying to separate the two of them. No matter what your reason is, it comes off as prejudice. You have the choice not to be around him; which probably means you don't get to be around her either.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 June 2022):
 I wouldn't bring up that you don't like. I would, however, ask her why she always feels the need to invite him and that you feel she doesn't want to do anything with you unless he is there too and you miss the days when the two of you (occasionally) went to see a movie or grab a drink.
See what she says.
To me, it might be that HE doesn't have any friends of his own so she drags him everywhere.
And I would also consider hanging out with someone else.
Some people feel that when they have a partner that partner HAS to be included in everything. Maybe that is her?
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