A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:How deal with friends with benefits?My roommate and I have been "friends with benefits" for nine years. Tomorrow this girl he has been talking to is coming home. During this week he has mention her name to me more than once. For example, he said it is going to be long night because he has to pick her up from the airport and he needs to clean the car. I comment on the car needing to be washed. I am trying not to talk about her so I dont reveal my jealousies
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (27 June 2007):
 What did you think was going to happen? I mean freinds with benefits is never suppose to be a lasting thing, unless you are openly living the swinger lifestyle.
Were you roommates before you were FB? Have you dated other men in the last 9 years? Has he been with other women, or is this the first one in 9 years?
I think that unless you plan to get into a serious relationship with him, you should not be living with your FB. That, more than showing no jealousy, should be the priority I think.
I have to ask...has living with him made you stop looking for your own life partner? 9 years is too long a time to spend solely on a fb relationship. Moreso for women than men, as men do not have biological clocks.
-Frank B Kermit
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (25 June 2007):
 This is the problem with 'friends with benefits' arrangements: it's very hard for a girl to think of it as 'just sex', like the guy can and we usually end up much more invested in the relationship than he and end up hurt.
I don't advise these types of relationships, as I think men see sex with someone they don't love as a purely physical act whereby they pleasure themselves and their egos, whereas women are more emotionally involved in sex and find it harder to leave it as just the physical act and often want more.
I can understand your jealousy, women feel a certain power of men they sleep with and expect them to feel the same but, honey, they don't. He's using you and you may think you're using him but who's ending up hurting now?
Things could never go back to being just mates for you two so you either need to be with him properly, if you like him that much, or distance yourself from him. Keeping this up is just prolonging your pain and I think you need to make changes.
Good luck
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