A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My friend is a hard drug user. When I met her 10 years ago she was clean and stayed clean for the next 5 years.When I first met her I told her that normally I would never have a close friendship with a drug user as those people are on a different path in life to me. But as she was clean at the time and for the next 5 years I was ok with her and I’ve done a lot for her. A couple of years ago she started using again. Not every day but maybe once or twice in a fortnight. Every time she would say she wouldn’t do it again. I could never believe her. 6 months ago she had a heart attack and had to have stents put in her heart and was given medication. She is in her late thirties.The consultant told her if you carry on with drugs you could die, so stop drugs and stop smoking and try eating more healthier foods. After she came out of hospital she said she would never ever use drugs again and would cut down on smoking. I actually believed she had been shocked into stopping. She has done none of these things. I am very disappointed with her. And I don’t trust her at all now. I sent her a message the other night telling her you already lost your children many years ago to drugs and now you don’t listen to the doctors. I don’t think anything will deter you. I said a few other home truths also as she can be a selfish person.I also told her it’s not fair to go near my sister who has 5 children to look after as she knows she can manipulate my sister for sympathy as my sister is a very sympathetic person, and it’s not fair she burden my sister with her heart problems that she is causing herself.She did not write back yet as I have never ever been so abrupt with her but I’m getting to the end with her now. I’ve seen how she seeks sympathy from people using her heart issues yet I know it’s her making it all worse and I have no sympathy whatsoever. Any advice please? And do you thing I’m dealing with it in the right way?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2021): First-off, don't presume you know how your other sister will handle this situation. Just because she is compassionate and kind, doesn't mean she would be foolish or naive enough to jeopardize the safety and well-being of her kids. Whether your drug-addicted sister is manipulative or not; she is still a human being, but tough-love is the only way you can deal with drug-abusers. You keep them at a safe distance, and you always remind them that you are aware of their use; and you know what they are capable of. Never allow them to forget that. Constantly urge her to seek rehab. Always! Make her sick of hearing it!
Once an addict seeks rehab, encourage them, show them love, and support. Always reminding them that they have to earn your trust. As long as they are using, they betray your trust. They love drugs more than they love you, or they wouldn't betray your trust; or take the chance of losing your love.
Enabling a drug-addict is quite dangerous. You open yourself up to theft, vulnerable to unexpected intrusions by their dealers seeking payment; and they could have a serious psychotic episode under the influence of narcotic drugs. Even worse, they could even overdose and die right in front of the children.
I would suggest you just inform your sister of all these probabilities; but please don't discourage her from being a compassionate loving sister. Watch over them both. Always be their rock, and a source of wisdom; and maintain your stance of her staying clean, if she wants to be around the children. They should be protected from that; because your other sister could lose her children if meddling neighbors become uncomfortable about a user being around their neighborhood, or suspect she might be high around the children. Why would they take her children from her in the first-place?
God bless you, may He guide and protect you. Have a wonderful and safe Holiday; and may the New Year bring you change and prosperity. Pray for your sister, and continue to push for her to seek drug rehab. She isn't just seeking sympathy, though she may use her condition to manipulate; but continued drug-usage could kill her just like the doctors say. If they say that, they mean it. Kids shouldn't be subjected to their presence when they are high; and it's not being "nice," when you are being foolish or irresponsible with the safety of children.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2021): You are not the drug user here so you are not responsible for what happens to her.
I would feel sad for you, if you wasted your life on her promises that she will get clean.
She has to do that alone as she has total control over her situation.
I would warn your sister that this person is back on hard drugs and you could advise her to cut contact with your former friend as She has children who need to be protected from her way of life.
She will meet plenty of other people in her walk of life but your sister and her children are precious to you and to each other.
Unfortunately some hard drugs alter a person's personality forever, way beyond what the ordinary person could understand.
That's why rehabilitation centres always keep some advisors around who have become totally clean, because they understand the deception that is used by hard drug users to keep their fix on demand coming in.
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A
male
reader, Kofcalifornia  +, writes (21 December 2021):
Just let your friend know that u care for her and she is welcome to come into your life anytime as long as she is sober. Tell her know that you still love her for who she is but you hate what she does. Make that distinction clear. Finish by saying that you refuse to watch someone you care about kill themselves and that it you didnt want to stop talking to her. She wanted to stop talking to you by choosing to keep using drugs. If she says she wants to stop then realize it is as struggle and help her find a sponsor try doing online NA meetings. Let her know she has your support in this struggle as long as she doesnt force you or your sister to help her. You will do what you can and when you cannot she shouldnt get upset or try to manipulate or guilt you. In the end her choices are why she is struggling and she can only blame herself. Goodluck to you and your sister. Best of luck to all of you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 December 2021):
 OP, you are right in feeling how you feel.
Just know you can't control her OR your sister.
You might have better luck talking to your sister, letting her know to not get taken advantage of. But again, you can't control your sister and her choices.
Personally, I'd just cut this person out of your life if she is someone you just can't trust.
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