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male
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anonymous
writes: Dear cupid, I need some help! My gf and I were talking about our past sex lives and i was kinda shocked that, apart from the two guys i knew about that she had had full sex with, she had performed casual oral sex on five other guys that I knew nothing about. I really like her but I don't know if I should think this weird or not! She said they were one time things where she just met a guy at a party or a club and just decided to give him a good time! She's seventeen and I'm nineteen and I have only gotten to third and only had full sex with one person! Is she a slut or something? I don't like thinking about her that way and I know that that is what you do in college but i feel pangs of disgust and jealousy that she would just callously let a guy stick his penis in her mouth and ejaculate! She said that she swallowed for the guys also, so should I be worrying about STDs? Does every girl consider oral sex so casual? Am I being a complete ass-hole?
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ejaculate, jealous, oral sex, std, swallow Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (13 November 2006):
 You might want to read this thread which has a lot of answers to a similar question:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-cant-i-get-my-gfs-past-sex-life-out-of-my-head.html
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2006): careful dude. if she's only 17, this is a red flag that her habits haven't changed at all. granted, im not saying that people don't grow up or whatever, but not at that age. im 19 too and dated a younger girl before...they're not worth it, trust me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2006): no your not an ass-hole, it sounds like this may have just been some silly stuff she has done in the past and i hope she does not plan to continue on with such a lifestyle, yes you should be concerned about stds, go get tested, my bf in his younger days had alot of casual sex with people he did not even know, the thing he didnt know was that he got something off them and gave it to me, i was mad as i was saving myself and he ws my first, if i did not get a test done when i did i might be dead from cervical cancer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2006): I agree wholeheartedly with Irish and disagree with the so-called double standard that the below anonymous writer seems to suggest in that women are just acting how men have always done. I would never have been the kind of guy that this girl in question performed these sexual acts on because I have grown up with a respect for women
Therefore, I would be similarly disgusted, nor would I be attracted to a girl who engaged in such intimate acts with strangers.
Stick to your moral code and don't let any one say you're wrong for believing what you believe. It is people like you who will be much happier, and achieve more to keep you save and avoid being hurt in life, I promise you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2006): So how do you know that the girl you marry (a "good" girl will not sometime during your marriage decide to step out on you? You can't. In the past, women have had to endure this type of behavior from their husbands. Now that the double standard is less strictly enforced, women are enjoying behavior types that men only used to engage in.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2006): No, you aren't wrong to view what she has done as indecent and unethical, not to mention reckless and disrespectful to herself. It's tough not to judge a person's ethics and how they feel about themselves, when they participate in this type of behavior, is it? Actions do speak louder about 'who' a person really is. Young people and how they express their sexuality is far more different nowadays then when I was teen. It seems to be an age where the common mentality is 'anything goes!' If you feel a bit remiss about what she's done...be proud of your moral compass, dear and tell her that. You obviously have been taught to respect females and you uphold a standard in how you behave and how others should regard themselves. I always say ...a good ethical base should be taught to all young people as it's basically a blueprint for their life path. This blueprint is what keeps then from making the rash, stupid mistakes so many young people encounter along the way. I just wish more people shared your viewpoints. mAybe you and this gf should talk further...it sounds like the two of you may have very, very conflicting love and relationship values.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2006): Nooo ur not an ass hole, u want a girl thats gunna appreciates u, not just wanting sex all the time, shes probly trying to make u jealous, girls tlking about their past sex lifes is usually hinting at something, making u think that you can do wot u want to her coz shes experienced.
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (12 November 2006):
 You're not being an asshole at all, you just see things differently to her. Me and my boyfriend are the same: he's been a slag in the past and I am totally disgusted by his behaviour: he even has an STD already that he can't cure!
However, he's a nice guy now and treats me well. It's been hard for me to come to terms with all the women he's been with (over 100), especially when I have to see them around town. You need to consider whether or not you hate what she's done in the past more than you love her.
Not all girls see sex this way, and some girls see full sexual intercouse as something they just do because they feel like it with anyone they meet. But people are all different and you take them as you find them or let them go.
I really don't know whether I'll ever come to terms with my boyfriends past, maybe we won't make it. But I'm trying my best to let his past go and accept him for who he is now: a loving, caring man who treats me like a princess. Things could be better between us if it weren't for his past but when I found out, I chose to stay and I must stick with this decision.
You're not out of line for feeling this way. Maybe you do need someone who shares your view of sex? Or maybe you just need to forget about this and move past it, as long as you trust her now, who cares? I can't give you an answer, if I could, I would have sorted these problems out for me too and I would be lot's happier. You've just got to decide if you love her more than you hate the problem. If the answer is no, then move on and find someone who shares your views.
Good luck and feel free to get in touch with me and let me know what you decide.
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