A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunties, I have been in a friendship with my best friend for over 10 years. We have had our share of ups and downs but we have always promised each other to be upfront and straight if we had a problem.Recently, we went for cofee and I bumped into a guy that I had an affair with...he was the married one, when I was 23. I am now 33. She knew about the affair that I had and at the time of the affair was not opposed to hanging out with us. So his name is Nigel, we recognised each other and said hello....nice to meet you ...the usual. He made his way to leave and decided to return and sit next to us and chat with me some more. There was not reminiscing conversation, it was literally...where do you practice medicine now, what am I doing....how is my dad, mom etc. When his wife found out about it, both our families became heavily involved in the damage control and I was sent to London. Anyway, my friend..gets up and leaves....she was part of the conversation as well...but she gets up and leaves, no excuse me or no...let me let you guys catch up I'll be right over there...nothing. We were waiting for a friend of hers to show up...she motions to me that her friend was here and I made an end to my conversation " nice seeing you again and all that" and make my way over to her. I asked her...okay so where is Janele...she says to me...oh she is not here yet, but I could not deal with that conversation anymore, I had to get you out of there....I just could not deal with it. My problem with this is...first of all I am 33 and despite your caring for me as a friend etc...you do not tell me what to do..or try to dictate how my life is run. I was not planning to sleep with him again...she mentioned he was looking at me like a piece of meat...I had on track pants and a t shirt as I had just come from the gym!! So not sure if he is into Sweaty Eau de Toilette. Then you lie to me and tell me your friend is here when she is not because YOU were not comfortable with a situation that I was in....to me she was rude, disrespectful and quite bold to assume that I needed saving. Everytime I meet someone or I talk to someone, anyone, could be a boy or a girl...she gets upset...or she questions who they are etc. Currently to be honest, I think I am her only true friend and she is seeking the help of a therapist as she has some emotional issues to sort out on her own. I have been dealing with this type of behaviour for a very long time. I just came back from apprx 5 years away working so I can live a good normal life and settle down, get married etc....am I selfish to not want to be around her or deal with her anymore. She really frustrates and I feel like I have to isolate my time with her so she does not get upset...can anymore puuuhhlllease help me on this. I am about to tell her how I feel via email...and I am not sure if it will be pretty.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011): i don't blame you at all for being so frustrated!! sounds like you've got a controlling girlfriend on your hands. that takes away from the freedom and simplicity that friendship is supposed to be. being friends is supposed to be easy. it shouldn't be that hard nor that complicated.maybe this seems far fetched to you, but do you think it's possible she may have feelings for you? from what you say, it sounds like she may be jealous. but then again, you mentioned her having emotional issues. so that may be the real cause for it all.just gently express the issue to her. try to sit down and have coffee with her or go to a place where both of you are most relaxed, and gently bring the issue up. preface it by telling her something along the lines of how much you love her being in your life and how you would never betray her trust or friendship and how you plan on always being there for her, but that you have a concern you'd like to express. then go on to inform her of everything you've just said here. judging by the things you said, she may still act irrational and hysterical even if you approach it gently like this. if she does, keep reassuring her you will always be her friend and that you are sorry she doesn't understand. after her hysteria fades, she may eventually see that you have a point.whatever you do, be patient. you've had a long friendship, and it's hard to find friends who truly know us and have been through everything with us. good luck.
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