A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone,I am 19 years old and so is my friend. she has a young baby. however I have just found out that she is pregnant again. she said they her and her boyfriend were ''being careful'' but I suspect that they have not been as she has been talking about how much she would love to have another baby for some time now.her situation is so far from ideal and her last pregnancy was so difficult for her as she was younger and she had a number of health problems as a result. that I have been worrying about how she will cope and what she will do since she told me. she has a boyfriend who has fathered both children, but they are not getting on well together and were co habiting until recently. she hasnt many people to turn to.we were never that close until about a year ago and I obviously dont want to intrude although I am her friend.I know this pregnancy is going to be tough for her, but i feel that perhaps it might have not been an ''accident''. what can I do to help her? she has been planning to go to uni (university) this autumn but it will obviously not be possible now.I just think that she is maiking a big mistake having a whole family before she is even 20. i know this question sounds a bit muddled, but if anyone can come up with some practical suggestions i would be grateful. thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionher family do not know yetand when they find out they will be anything but supportive. there was chaos the first time she got pregnant which led to more stress for her. from what I gather her boyfriend said he ''wouldnt mind'' if they had another baby
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): Well there is nothing you can do. Some people say she's ruined her life but that is a really ignorant statement to make. Yes, it will be harder for her being a young mother of 2 babies but who's to say that she won't ever go back to school & get her degree? I have a friend who is a single mother and she gets so much government assistance I am jealous. She goes to college for free, she gets all her utilities paid free, she got a free van, free food, free everything..I have 2 babies myself, I am 26 & a stay at home mom, and it makes me quite sad when people refer to babies as something horrible that ruins their mother's life. They are anything but.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): If you do nothing else, tell her BF about her talking about how much she's been "wanting another baby" lately. If she planned this second one (maybe even the first one too), then her BF has got a right to be seriously pissed. If I was him I'd probably dump her over it even though I'd have 1 or 2 children to raise with her afterward.This situation is already bad and I know you don't wanna rock the boat in their relationship. But I think you owe it to him to tell him that she might have planned some of this. What if you keep your mouth shut and then 18 months from now she's carrying an "accidental" round#3?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): All you can do is be there for her when she needs your support and help... There's nothing more you can do for her at the moment.
If she was really planning on goin to Uni this year she wouldn't have been silly enough to fall pregnant a 2nd time... Has she told her family yet about the 2nd baby? What way have they taken to the news if she has?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): She's lucky to have a friend like you. Two kids at 19 is not clever, but that's her choice to make.
If you want to help, she need practical and emotional support more than anything else. Money if you have it, time to listen to how she feels, and support to arrange all the neccessarty health checks for her and the baby.
Boy do I feel sorry for this girl, two babies are a nightmare, she won't know what hit her.
Try to be the best friend you can, but don't get sucked into her life too much, she has made her decisions about her life, and you have made yours.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (13 May 2008):
Apart from drugging her and then having her kids adopted there is not a lot you can do.
She seems bent on messing up her life and living on benefits forever and that is her choice.
Ask her why she wasn't more careful, does she think this baby ill magically solver her problems with her boyfriend? It won't.
All you can do is stand back, watch her crash and burn and then go in with a fire extinguisher afterwards.
Good Luck!! xx
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