A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My friend started to date my brother some time ago, they started to plan for a baby and she's now pregnant, and they recently got engaged as well. We all spent Christmas together, but somehow things just seemed.. weird. I was looking forward to spending time with them again, not only as a couple, but catching up with her, as she is/was my friend. But she was so negative all the time, and short with words, and not interested at all in catching up. When they told us they were engaged she wasn't excited about it at all. It was just something they informed us about in passing. And she didn't exactly hand out information, didn't say much about it at all.The entire thing makes me puzzled, because before she started to date my brother she and I would have plenty of laughs, talk about boyfriends, go out shopping etc. Now she barely spoke to me. And if she spoke to me, it was a snide remark to something I had said, or to argue what I said. Confrontational is a fitting word. If it was me being pregnant and engaged I imagine I'd be excited and wanting to share with my friends, especially if my friend was also going to be my sister-in-law! Instead it was almost like she wanted me to shut up and not talk to her.I asked her during the holidays if she wanted to come with me to visit another friend of mine, thinking we'd have some girl-time, and her reply was "Why would I do that?".I was wondering if it was hormones that made her grumpy and withdrawn, but I remember she started acting this way not long after she started dating my brother. She wouldn't call any longer, didn't text, and when I did have the chance to visit them about a year ago she was exactly the same way as during Christmas: interrupting whenever I spoke, answering questions when I asked my brother (or anyone else), being short and grumpy when I asked her things, being disinterested in me in general.The entire thing makes me frustrated, because I was looking forward to seeing her again, but it seems she doesn't really care to have me as a friend any longer, which just makes things awkward as we're going to be family.I'm wondering if this is all to do with her being in a relationship and shutting out her friends so her entire world can revolve around her boyfriend. If he wasn't my brother I probably wouldn't have had any contact with her by now. How do I handle this situation?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 January 2014):
 S things aren't great for her, but even before it went downhill he distanced herself?
Yea, I would regard her as a stranger your brother is dating/engaged to.
Focus on your REAL friends, she apparently isn't one.
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (8 January 2014):
 Is it possible that she was only friends with you to get closer to your brother and now that she has him she is not interested in maintain the friendship. Either way don't stress about it, there are plenty people out there that would appreciate you as a friend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2014): Something about friends after they get married...things always seem to change after that. I can tell you exactly what happens. They start spending more and more time with other married couples and completely stop associating with single people. If you see them at all after that, they act like you have nothing in common anymore as if they've never been without someone themselves.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2014): Thank you so much for your answers! Maybe they did have a fight.They are in a financial mess, by my standards, but they chose themselves to get pregnant. It wasn't unplanned, I talked to my brother about this in private during their previous pregnancy (that pregnancy lasted about two months before she has a miscarriage) and it was definitely planned. She still studies to get her masters degree, and he is unemployed. She has a part time job on the side of her studies, while dealing with pains because of the pregnancy. I know this because my brother told me when I asked how she was (she wont say much). She has a hard time sleeping, the baby is very active, and she gets migraines. So she's going through a lot, maybe that's why she's so passive/distant. I would understand if it wasn't for me being her friend and she used to tell me about these things. But their economic situation is self chosen, I can't really see how that would worry them as they knew very well what they were getting themselves into. Personally I'd never do what they've done, I'd feel reckless, but I admire how strong their relationship must be when they have a child together under such circumstances. Must mean they can handle anything and are positive people, that's what I thought. Anyway, she pulled away before the pregnancy, so that doesn't really explain it. Last year they did great financially, she had a good paying job and wasn't pregnant, they rented a big flat and all. She was still distant and short with me.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (7 January 2014):
 Act the way you would if she weren't there, whether you're alone with her or in a group.
No need to be hostile. Just focus on the others you're with and if you're ever alone with her, act like you're by yourself. Limit your conversation with her to simply answering questions she asks. Be matter of fact.
This isn't hormones. She appears to be uptight about something, but if she isn't willing to talk about it, then she shouldn't act it out on others. Don't give her a second thought.
By the way, has your brother noticed this and what does he make of it?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 January 2014):
I would back off. She doesn't sound like a happy person but the more you PUSH for friendship the more she will back away.
I would just be nice and polite and not offer friendship for a while, but leave it open for her. IF she wants to spend time with you she will reach out.
IS she having a hard pregnancy? Are they OK financially? Is your brother a GOOD BF( fiance) or do you think they could have had some trouble and she somehow because she is mad at HIM, she feels she has to be mad at you too?
Have you asked your brother how things are going?
It seems odd that she is so blasé (uninterested) in her resent engagement, baby and upcoming wedding.
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