A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. I am 20 years old, use birth control and condoms every time and I am perfectly fine with premarital sex. This is a two part issue: I just asked one of the guys I am dating if they equate sex with love, and he said yes. This makes me worried because I do not. I feel emotion in the moment and if I think on the previous act, then of course I feel a connection or whatever. I just want companionship and such, not so much FWB because I care about the guys I am with and feel myself developing feelings for them. Should I continue having sex and getting to know them as long as they know how I feel about sex?Also, I want to say "I love you" because it feels natural to me since I've been getting to know these guys for a few months, but would that put him off? I know it's not true love that lasts a lifetime and all that, but if I feel it, shouldn't I just be myself?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2014): Perhaps I am biased in some way by being a male, but I believe I am speaking simply as a human being when I say that I strongly disagree with your assertion, "I know it's not true love that lasts a lifetime and all that, but if I feel it, shouldn't I just be myself?"It's not just about yourself. It's also about the other person you are saying that you love. Love is a two-player game, honey.I think almost all people say "I love you" when it really means something deep: a connection beyond far beyond friendship, and as great as family if not greater. It means you want to see someone exclusively and that you will be there for that person, no matter what. For many people, love means that you can't function without that person. This is why so many people are extremely hesitant to say "I love you" and why the decision is rarely taken lightly.How can you say "I love you" when you are dating multiple people at the same time? Are these men even aware that you are seeing other people? If you say "I love you" but they are not aware that you have other people on the side, that would be an extreme example of what people call a "mixed message". You will be toying around with people's emotions.I think you are deluding yourself about "friends with benefits". At the moment, you sharing beneficial friendships with several people.I think you should start communicating respectfully with these men about their expectations of their relationships with you, and you should be honest about your expectations and your situation (i.e. that you are having relations with more than one person) before you start talking about "love".
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