A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a guy friend who I feel like is always eager to put me down. I don't know if I'm just being overly sensitive or paranoid, but I just feel like he's always on me and ready to point out flaws or make fun of things I do or flake on me after making plans. He wasn't always like this, this actually started happening after we got to know each other and he met my friends. I had introduced him to some of my friends (mostly girls), and he became pretty good friends with them. And, in fact, he has told me that he is interested in a few of them and would be interested in dating them.The reason I bring that up is that I feel like he is especially and unfairly critical of me and doesn't treat me as he treats them. For example, if I'm planning on doing something or going somewhere, he will make fun of me or make some mean comment or take the offense and question me about why I'm doing it (just to give you an example, when he heard I was going to church, he started giving me a hard time and asked me question after question in an arguing kind of way, and then made fun of my beliefs.) But then if I tell him that one of my friends is going or is also interested, he'll then change his mind and say that it sounds interesting and will probably be fun (so I told him that one of my friends is coming with me to church, he back-pedalled and said that it sounded like fun and how he was interested in different types of religions). Or if we make plans to hang out, he usually flakes on me last minute, but if I mention that a friend of mine had been planning on also going, he will then suddenly find a way not to flake, and he'll show up. OR at least apologize and immediately reschedule. So I just feel like this is very unfair. I feel like he has something against me personally since if it were one of my friends, he wouldn't be like this towards them. What should I do? I feel like I can't call him out on it or tell any of my friends because it'll just create drama and I don't want to start drama or cause any rifts or awkwardness around any of them. (in fact, he is now planning on going on a trip abroad with some of them) And for that same reason, it's hard to just drop him as a friend.And then again, maybe I'm just being paranoid. I'm not sure what to do, and I'm definitely feeling frustrated and I just feel it's so unfair... I mean, am I so horrible? I'm not sure why he's like this to just me...Thanks for any input... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (22 November 2010):
 Some people are just really fun to tease - you may be one of those. It's possible you come off as "one of the guys" to him (that's not a bad thing). Guys rip on each other all the time, and maybe it just feels natural to him.
Have you tried teasing him right back? It's fun, and I'll bet he can take it. You two could riff off each other and turn this into a game. In the off chance he's making fun of you because he's interested in you (unlikely, but possible), it'll be a good way to start enjoying his company rather than being bothered by it.
If you can't learn to tease him back, have one of your *trusted* friends talk to him. Have her say, "Anonymous didn't want you to know this, but it's really bothering her the way you make fun of her. Don't tell her I told you, but try to be nicer, 'kay?" Not usually a fan of maneuvering like that, but in this case I think it'd be more effective than talking to him yourself.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): Don't surround yourself with people who fill you with negative energy.
That is one lesson I wish I had learned sooner
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