A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am in a bit of a muddle. I have recently got together with a friend of my ex. Myself and my ex split up years and years ago, but a couple of years ago when I was at a low ebb and after listening to him tell me all the things I wanted to hear I slept with him. I knew he was with someone, but he told me he was unhappy etc. It happened only once and it made me realise what a user he was.Trouble is, a couple of people know about this encounter and I am worried about them telling my new man. This all happened 3 years ago and I decided against telling my new man as it's a) in my past and b) nothing to do with him... my new fella is friends with my ex hence some other friends knowing as the ex (when it happened) told everyone for bravado.Anyway, the 'friend' that knows has been dropping big hints in front of me and my new fella that 'he knows something about me' but he isn't going to tell...it's like he is holding a sword over my head just to keep me aware that he has not forgotten. What happened with my ex was wrong as he was with someone (I was single)..but he spun me a big tale about being unhappy etc (as I now realise - just to get his leg over)! I now see my ex and his wife to be and feel even worse...this 'friend' doesn't hassle my ex...just me! I am so worried that something will be said and my new fella will not see my side (even though it is far in the past and a one off aberration). The friends who I have spoken to about this have told me to say nothing and thinking it through it was 3 years ago and had nothing to do with my current b/f (except my ex and new fella are friends). They all say that this so called 'friend' is just stirring trouble but wouldn't actually say anything as he has not been an angel in the past!I don't want to tell my new b/f as I see it as unnecessary given the passage of time, the low ebb I was at having just recently been separated. My ex even admitted to one of my friends that he plays on my vulnerability...stupid me fell for it, but now I have the measure of him and realise how stupid I was to fall for it.I just wish I could forget about it and I wish others would drop it as well. What I am most worried about is my new b/f thinking I am some sort of person who goes from man to man without a care. My friends say that if he does think that 1) it has nothing to do with him as it is my past and I don't know about his past and 2) he is shallow. I have never cheated on anyone in my life and never would, I just don't want anyone thinking I am a bad person because of this one time and because I knew my ex was in a r'ship (even though he fed me the usual BS that he was unhappy, trapped, always loved me etc etc etc)...arrgh, I feel like I am going crazy......any advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Debz 121  +, writes (19 September 2007):
 don't worry i know what your going through it sort of happened to me too. Look forget about it and move on wait 'til it blows over then chat it over. It worked for me hopfully for you too!!
A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (19 September 2007):
What's done is done. If your current bf brings it up tell him you have made mistakes in the past and it is too painful for you to revisit them.
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