A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've just found out my friend is 7 months pregnant - but she's kept the pregnancy a secret from everyone - family, friends, the father of the child (it was a one night stand with a friend).She's in total denial and won't talk to anyone about it. No one knows if she wants to keep the baby, whether she will continue living at home, or find a place of her own, if she could afford it...etc.It all came out last week when her parents noticed her tummy, looking back it's been pretty obvious that she's been hiding her body with baggy jumpers and layers of clothes. I think in a way she almost got caught on purpose, as if to shed a little of the burden of the secret she's been carrying for all this time.Everyone only just found out last week, the only thing she has told us is that the father doesn't want to keep the baby, he doesn't want to be with her, but will support her. But they are both only 17.How do I help my friend? How do I get her to open up? She's only been ot the doctor once, she won't make an appointment, she won't accept that the baby is coming out in 2 months, she's in total denial, and it's killing her family, who I am close to.
View related questions:
living at home, one night stand Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (31 December 2007):
 Hon, there is nothing you will be able to do as long as she refuses to believe she needs help.
All you can do is make her realize that you are there for her no matter what the sitaution.
Once she admits to herself that she does need help she may go through all sorts of emotional states and she will need a friend.
So stay available for her. It may be that she will stay in denial right up until the baby is on it's way out. She will not be able to deny that.
It sounds like she is starting to come to grips with the situation so it could be that she will need you soon.
You may want to do any research that you can in the eventuality she wants to adopt out the baby or to find out what resources she has available to her should she want to keep the baby etc. I hope this helps. Doc
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2007): ok basically all the advice i could give you to tell your mate is she is not the only one who has fallen pregnant at 17, there are other people who have, well i want to say is i was 18 and i got pregnant i went through my pregnancy i tried several times telling the father but he didn't want to know i had the baby and my daughter was the best thing that ever happened to me, and now suprisngly the babies father is in contact with his daughter alot and were happy. So i'm saying is tell her she aint the only one and that she is not alone she ha compony and what ever decission she makes every one will be happy with it.
Also about going ahead with the baby i think if she is 7 month pregnant i think that is too later to get rid of it as far as i know the baby can be 3 month or less no more.
Hope i helped goodluck
...............................
A
female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (31 December 2007):
 I think you should try to talk to your friend but make sure you dont suffocate her. she doesnt need a lecture or to feel like everyone is ganging up on her. she's scared. she's 17 and having a baby with a boy who doesnt want her. she doesnt want that reality so shes choosing to ignore it.
you and i both know that wont make it go away but her family, especially her parents need to be there to help her sort her life out. everything will change (including your friend) once the baby is born but dont get stressed too much because it is her life and her decision not yours and there isnt too much you can do to help someone who doesnt want to be help.
explain to her that you'll be there to help as much as she wants you to help and that you think she should start preparing for the baby. then back off. she might get mad at you if you are forcing an issue which she wants to ignore. its up to her and her family to sort this out and pull her life together.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2007): i tried to put my self in this situation to see if i would be able to do what that man below me said but really i dont think i could.If my best friend was pregnant i would have a talk with her and tell her that i know she doesnt wnna do it but she needs to get help. she needs to go to the dr's and she needs to figure out what shes gonna do before this baby is born. it will fuck up her hole life if she doesnt. and if you dont mind me asking did she use a condom? cuz im thinking of having sex with my boyfriend but im scared the condom may break =[
good luck..talk it out she needs..an intense conversation.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2007): You are her friend and offering advice in any shape or form will help her, whether or not she seems to listen or not. Good friends are ones that stick by you in a crisis not just wander off, so make sure you tell her you want to help with anything that is worrying her and will be there for her is she needs you.
At the end of the day though, she can only make the desicions herself and dont fall into the trap of being used. You should only offer advice not solve her problems for her.
Maybe ask if she would like you to go to the doctors with her and if anything goes wrong you can always let her parents know. Try talking to them saying that you want to be a good friend and see if they have any requests.
...............................
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (31 December 2007):
 Stay out of it. This is not your problem. Her family knows now, and they are the ones that can best help her deal with it. She has some major issues and choices to make, and if you get involved, no matter what happens, she is so far in denial, that YOU will get blamed for any help you offer. Let her know that you are there for her IF and when she is ready to talk, but until she is ready to be helped, let her family deal with her.
-Frank B Kermit
...............................
|
