A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a little confused and hurt as to why my male friend seems very distant. We have been friends for about 4 years, but became closer after we kept in touch after we finish college. And NO before anyone pipes up I have no feelings for him I have a bf who I've been with just over a year but I do befriend males more than females simply because I prefer their personality.Anyway I notice a sudden change when he started hanging round with his "gang". At first I thought nah its not because of them he's changing as hes known some of them for years but never been one of the crew.However now I am beginning to wonder. He's quite feminine in my opinon, not the manliest of men n is one of them that just naturally daft and will make up all sorts of stories and do things just cuz its funny so hes always got on with anyone. The thing is I've noticed since alot of his mates are younger than him when he was feeling down or whatever they'd tell him to go out n pull girls which he never really did, he used to hate boy racers although he's always had cars he's done up he never drove like an idiot until he got involved with them.Its even little things like his favourite drink when we all went out was vodka n cranberry, every says its a girly drink, quite frankly I don't care, girls drink pints why can't guys drink what they want. But now all he drinks is pints n for years he used to say he never liked them. After coming back from a holiday with his mates and where he made friends with others who all smoke, he started smoking. He says he regrets it but he isnt going to just quit he's just gonna cut down. To be honest I can't figure out if he wants to smoke as I've always thought if u can grow up and become 23 with not liking smoking in general you aren't gonna start as people normally do when they're teenagers... Or does he really not like it but doing it because he's weak and insecure. Either way its his choice but since all this we've drifted and its all strange its happened at the same time.I can't even ask my bf to speak to him as he doesn't really understand because they were never close. I try to speak to him and he does respond however he just doesn't seem bothered to meet up or even get in touch half the time. its like hes jsut vanished.Is he basically just changing into someone more "manly" through a subconcious feelings to fit in? Or is this "the real him"
View related questions:
insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 January 2014):
 He is weak and insecure. Neither version is probably the "real" him. Or both are. The real him is a guy who is feminine when with female friends, and reckless and stupid when with youger, reckless friends. Apparebtly. Starting smoking just because your friends do is immature, and quite correctly something teenagers do to fit in.. So he is acting like a teenager. I say let him. His life. He probably needs to do stupid things before he realizes they arent smart.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (31 January 2014):
 I think he has been teased for being a little feminine and is now emulating more (in his eyes" manly traits and behavior he sees in his male friends.
Plenty of people change things about themselves to fit in. Others just "grow".
It could also be that you two are growing apart.
...............................
|
