A
male
age
36-40,
*jekim
writes: I've liked this girl for a long time, we dated a like a year ago in school, but it didn't work out cause of school. We've been friends since, I've tried to rekindle dating but she's either always seeing some jerk or she tells me she only sees me as a friend. She recently started a art group she had been trying to get off the ground for a long time, and wanted me to join. I did and it was great for a while, but I starting having my feeling for her again. I told her I didn't think I would able to keep going, and it would be hard for me if she starting seeing someone else. She understood but was sad cause it would break up the group. She was really unhappy, I decieded I'd keep going to help her out. I told her I'd be more unhappy if I had made her sad. Her group now has even more people and and would be well off without me. We've hung out since and she actually drove almost an hour to come see me. We're supposed to hang out again next week the day after the group. I'm picking her up and were hanging out and going to a movie she's been excited to see. I saw how the night went. I har even found her her favorite candy which she said was really hard to find. We had a great time. However at he end of the night I tried to kiss her show her how felt, but she wasent having it and said no. I had fianlly had enough and decieded that was it, I didn't come to the group thenext week. She kept callIng me but I ignored her and texted her, that I didn't want to be a part of her group anymore and that I didn't want to be around her anymore and explained why. She kept contacting me and emailing me trying to get me to respond but she was saying she didn't think her group could keep going if I wasent there. She even said to come next cause she had bought me something... She fianlly found my work number and called... So I had no but to talk to her. She said the group needed me and that they couldn't keep going. I told her she could find a way. She seemed to accept it and said to come for her but I still said no. Afterwards, I removed her contact info and blocked her Facebook. I emailed her explaining I had done all of this for her, joined her group, everything! Cause I loved her. She said , oh well okay... That she didn't realize how I felt and that she had been selfish in making me keep trying to come to her group. And was sorry...but she didn't share the feelings. We didn't talk for a while, but I later apoligezed and returned to the group. But she was distiant and wasent really talking to me. After I called her and we talked, she said she was still angry cause she felt that everything I had done had been with altrier motives. I explained, my feeling developed because she was kind to me, but I helped her cause she was a friend and I wanted to try to be a friend. I also apoligezed for telling her how I felt. She excepted my apology and said they would be meeting next week. That we wouldn't be able to hang out alone anymore and that she wasent sure if we could be "friends". So what now? I planned to just keep going try to work back my friendship with her... But I don't know. Any advice or opinions ?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (22 February 2012):
 HI
I think you need to cut your losses here, she has made it clear many times she wants nothing but friendship,you cant make someone feel what they dont im afraid. just being nice to her, joining her group, or anything else for that matter wont change her mind. If you keep thining that one day she will cave in and say yes to you, your going to go crazy, you need to back off now and let her be. Put this down to experience and move on. there is someone out there for you just not her.
Mandy x
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