A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A friends cut me out of his life since hes had this new gf, it probably was partially my fault but this has never happened before. Despite being friends for so long he was also the love of my life. We always just stayed friends although it was obvious there was something between us. We got together late last year, but it ended. We stayed friends for which I am very grateful for and life went on. He had a gf, I carried on with my Uni work, yes it hurt but things happen, but the important thing was, was that we stayed friends. We never argued in the process of us seeing each other, and it ended simply because he didn’t want it, which I respect, it probably wouldn’t of work anyway since our past wasn’t very easy with people trying to come between us being friends.However since then hes got a new gf, not the one he was with before. A short while before this he went to work abroad for a month, and although he had an amazing time, it turned him into a bit of an idiot (in very polite terms). He became very defensive if anyone said anything to him, like when I didn’t like him being an idiot to me and talking like one, and started smoking. We had a fall out as he had changed for the worst, as we have in the past (not about the same things) but we left it to settle, then met up to sort it out. He realized what I was saying and promised he’d calm down.Anyway he got this new gf, I don’t tend to have anything to do with his gfs as it is awkward and not very nice for me as I don’t feel completely comfortable with having anything to do with them because of what happened with us, he said he understood. As I would if it was the other way round. I would rather approach it as and when I am ready, and this has never affected our friendship. Now hes always been someone to make time for everyone, he was a good person, had a very busy social life and was always up or going out and having fun. Infact the week before he got with this girl we were out on a night out. Suddenly he didn’t want to come out anymore, but rather than saying it he kept making excuses up saying he had no money. I got sick of being pushed aside, I never asked for much, just a text every now n then and for him to come on a night out. It wasn’t like he never saw his gf he saw her, and still does see her every single day. And the one time he did meet up with me before this he was late because he had to go see her first, and then I got to see him for about an hour and a half before he went back to her. In this period of time whilst we had met up he was on about something someone had said and turned to me and said, “you say one word about her and your gone”. I’d not said a word that night and all I had said afew weeks before is be careful and don’t rush because you feel you gave to, as he is a Christian and has rushed into things before through insecurity. It doesn’t help the fact that both him and me know she has slept around an awful lot. Don’t get me wrong she seems very committed to him. But shes 5 years younger than him, shes got a foul attitude in my opinion, and she is very loud mouthed. I’m not saying she isn’t nice; she just seems like a typical 17 year old. Anyway after this I got sick of being pushed aside, I wasn’t the only one, he barely saw his mates. And we had another fall out. Usually we would just argue, leave it to settle and then be fine. However she got involved, because during the argument I had called her something for the fact she sleeps around. It wasn’t an insult, but it was true. Anyway I didn’t really retaliate in my replies to her as I wasn’t willing to discuss matters with her, but she started calling me allsorts. Her last message to me was a rather hurtful one saying no one would ever find me attractive and that I no longer have a friendship with the guy. If that’s his choice then that’s fine, but I was angry it came from her so I text him to ask why he couldn’t tell me himself and why he let her say the things she did. I know he was annoyed at me but there was no need for that. I believe in honesty and none of what she said was true. He didn’t reply, however I went on facebook to find he’d blocked me. He never did reply, I’ve sent several texts. They aren’t the nicest and just basically saying what I think of him.3 months in, he barely see’s his mates, and when he does he takes her with him or he goes round early hours of the morning when shes gone home if shes not sleeping round. Or when shes at work. His life revolves around her. They’d been together 2 months when he took her for a rather expensive weekend away. And I found out today they’ve booked to go away again. Will he ever actually speak to me again? Something doesn’t add up as to why he couldn’t just say I don’t think we should be friends. Will he ever actually start having his own social life again, where he goes out without her and actually chooses to spend afew nights with his mates rather than every night with her? In all honesty no one thought they would work because they don’t seem best suited but everythings getting worse and I don’t think I even get a second thought.
View related questions:
at work, christian, facebook, money, period, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Staceily  +, writes (6 November 2012):
 He may call you back, depending on what was said in your insulting texts to him, when his girlfriend is out of the picture. But as long as she is around he wont be your friend. It's pretty common for people to get out of touch with their friends when in a new relationship. He was no different. The girlfriend probably would've never liked him seeing you alone, then once you called her a whore or whatever you said to her that was it, she now had a great reason to forbid him to speak to you. I'm sure she said "it's her or me. You can be friends with a girl who calls the one you love a whore!" Which she is correct, he can't. It is very hard to keep close opposite sex friends you have had a relationship with while in a new relationship. Most people won't deal with it. Especially if the friend requests meeting alone because he/she feels uncomfortable with the new partner. Your friendship won't ever last most likely, assuming he even comes back. Which is good news because you still don't seem to have moved on completely. Let him live his life because there is nothing else you can do and don't worry so much about this girl and whether she is right for him or not. He has his own life and will need to make his own decisions.
A
female
reader, rosycheeks  +, writes (6 November 2012):
If he is making a mistake, he has to learn them for himself. No matter how much you preach to him about what is right for him, he will do what he wants anyway. If you are a 'good' friend, then let him go and figure it out for himself, and be there for him if and when it does fall apart. He will appreciate your help when he needs it a lot more than you being 'overbearing' and giving him more stress than he needs.
If you have feelings for him, then I think you need to be realistic it's likely not the happen and move on.
I think you are possibly spending way too much time worrying about someone elses decisions - worry about the things that matter in your life and get on with it. Life is short.
Also I sense jealousy on your part, before you move into a relationship with anyone, I'd probably advise what causes your jealousy and work on yourself and becoming a better and well centered person.
...............................
|
