A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My friend and I are fighting. It's such a stupid "fight"! I'm not even fighting really, I don't even know what I did. Anyway, my best friend/roommate is possibly changing colleges next year to the college her boyfriend is at. Now this is not the only reason she is going there, or so she says. Her boyfriend loves her (they were together for a year in 10th grade--then he dumped her one day in 11th. He was dating another girl in the summer of '09 before 12th grade, but cheating on that girl with my friend. Then my friend and him got back together late last year and have been together since. She says he is changed.) She was talking to her grandparents, and they asked her if she was going to this school for him. She was offended. I said that is what my mom thought. She got offended by that. I just said my mom and I think it's way too serious this young. That's all I said. She hasn't said anything to me since. She's obviously mad. All I did was state my opinion. I do believe they are way too serious (she is 18, he 19.) They believe they will be together forever, and I think she wants to marry him. That is great, good for them. I just don't agree with it (I am 18, free spirited, not looking for anything too serious, I want to focus on getting my degree and a good job! I am so happy in my life right now!) I believe she deserves better, and until now I have not said anything. But I honestly don't care either way. I just need advice on what I should do or say to her. I don't know how to fix this, because I don't believe I did anything too wrong. Help!
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (9 November 2010):
 She wants validation and encouragement, not honest advice. In other words, she wants you to lie to her. That's doubly true if your opinion was unsolicited.
For the record, I think you're right that getting serious with him is a phenomenally bad decision, but that's not what she cares about.
She may get over it, or not - perhaps she doesn't care about burning bridges if she's changing schools. If you want to fix the friendship without lying, just apologize for butting in, without apologizing for the content of your opinion.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): I was in a simular situation with a good friend of once. She came to me for advice and all I told her was to sleep on it a few nights before making a decision- that nothing good could come out of making a rushed decision. I told her it would be a good idea to write down the pros and cons list and compare the two side by side. She had a great job, her own place (to live) and had a lot of friends and family where she was currently living- plus er boyfriend was going to be graduating in less than a semester and then moving back, so why bother? I think it was the "why bother" part that made her mad. After our little falling out, I told her not to ask for advice unless she was going to be open minded about it. All I could do at that point was to wish her the best to assure her that if she needed me, I was always going to be here. She moved and then ended up moving back less than a month later due to the fact that she found out her bf had cheated on her with 3 other girls. So I guess my point here..is just let her do what she wants and assure her that you're still there for her. I have learned that when people ask you for advice in a subject like that, all they're asking for is support really. Not an actual opinion OR advice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): I was in a simular situation with a good friend of once. She came to me for advice and all I told her was to sleep on it a few nights before making a decision- that nothing good could come out of making a rushed decision. I told her it would be a good idea to write down the pros and cons list and compare the two side by side. She had a great job, her own place (to live) and had a lot of friends and family where she was currently living- plus er boyfriend was going to be graduating in less than a semester and then moving back, so why bother? I think it was the "why bother" part that made her mad. After our little falling out, I told her not to ask for advice unless she was going to be open minded about it. All I could do at that point was to wish her the best to assure her that if she needed me, I was always going to be here. She moved and then ended up moving back less than a month later due to the fact that she found out her bf had cheated on her with 3 other girls. So I guess my point here..is just let her do what she wants and assure her that you're still there for her. I have learned that when people ask you for advice in a subject like that, all they're asking for is support really. Not an actual opinion OR advice.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (9 November 2010):
 Well the plan isn't set in motion just yet..so why is she getting so touchy?
He could have very well changed, all we can do is take her word for it. That's fine for you to have your opinion, however she didn't ask for it. In your defense and her grandparents, I can see where she's overreacting. However, if that's what path she's choosing in life then more power to her. It may work out she could marry her high school sweetheart or he may find another girl at college and cheat on her again. Time will only tell. Now to rectify this situation, call your friend up however, I prefer face to face, apologize for stating your opinion, tell her you're just concerned for her future and well being. But ultimately you will support whatever decision she makes.
Your friends don't let this stupid fight ruin your friendship.
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