A
female
age
30-35,
*ebeccaa
writes:Ok so i have a friend, she is amazing and i love her too bits but she seems to want to do everthing i do, she wants me to wear the same things as i do when we go shopping she wants me to buy everything she does if we're meeting up she wont even walk down the street by herself she wont go on the bus by herself or anything even if its in the day. If we a group of our friends are going somehwere like we're going to the cinema or something shell automaticaly say to me we'll have to arange something to go together and ill be thinking why do i always have to meet you before we go anywhere. The other day we went to the cinema and i wasnt sure wether i wanted to go and she said she wouldnt go if i didnt. I sometimes feel like shes my shadow. Why does is she like this? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Rebeccaa +, writes (18 September 2011):
Rebeccaa is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thankyou
A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (16 September 2011):
 Annoying... This happened to me once and my mother told me that "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." While this is true, it is not comfort. :-S
Having said that, your friend has an issue with self-esteem, or a lack there of. She sees you as navigating smoothly through the years of teenage-dom (I made that word up just now!) and wants to appear as 'cool' as you do.
She feels comfortable with you and feels safe going on outings with you.
She need as to build up her confidence and experience venturing out there on her own is the best way to get it. It’s a delicate situation; you want to maintain the friendship and avoid alienating her, but don’t exactly want to be best-friend clones or two of the same person. You want space and a chance to be the ONLY you there is.
It will take time and patience. You could start simply by saying, “I’m not sure where I am coming from that day, so I will just meet you there.” If she says she doesn’t want to go on the bus, don’t spend a lot of time trying to solve her problem for her. Laugh (but not meanly) and say something like, “You don’t need me to hold your hand!” and move on to another topic of conversation.
This is her insecurity. If she needs a ride from her mum to avoid riding the bus, that’s her issue to work out. You can be understanding and meet her at the bus stop, sometimes, but this can’t become your problem or she’ll NEVER work it out.
Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2011): It is very possible this girl has some dependancy issues. She probably sees you as a strong person, someone that she would like to emulate. But she is taking it way too far. I would evaluate other things in her life such as her home life. Are their problems with her family? How about other friends? Does she seem to be outcasted or looked down on? She probably has some pretty major self-esteem issues. This is a pertty major issue and she may even have an underlying illness that is causing this. For whatever reason it sounds like she wishes to be like you. There may also be a crush (perhaps) but not necessarily.I would very calmly and not in an accusing way talk to her and see if anything is bothering her. She may need to speak to an adult about any issues going on, but she may be resistant to this and insist that nothing is wrong. But to explain to her that you are troubled by her constant need to be going with you. It isn't healthy for either of you.
...............................
|
