A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am 47 and my fiance is 41. She constantly flirts with a younger 23 year old friend of ours everytime she sees him. She says she has no attraction toward him and it's innocent but this really pushes my buttons everytime she does it. I've told her I don't like it and have asked her to stop but she insists it is ok because he is our friend. She says I'm insecure. I have approached our friend about it and asked him nicely not to entertain her notions and he has agreed but this has made her extremely mad that I have done this. How do I handle this if it continues to happen? Do women need this to build their self esteem?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): Your fiancee' doesn't respect you, plain and simple. She cares more for her feelings than yours, by a LONG SHOT and thinks you're a wimp.
You have a decision to make:
(1) Continue to be publicly humiliated by the two of them, as neither of them care how you feel or how this makes you look. Expect them to get sexual with each other since you're not making any strong objections - like getting ready to leave her. You will be her cuckold, and the source of a LOT of his jokes to his friends.
(2) Decide how long you can allow this to continue before you break off with her. Sit her down and CALMLY (so she knows you're serious, and not just upset in the moment) tell her that she has X period of time to break this off and not see him again, or the two of you are DONE. For your sake, I'd make it a short period of time; you need to know, NOW which team this woman is on - and, apparently, so does she.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): Dont take life very seriously. Enjoy it while it lasts :) These are trivial things we cant allow to spoil our happiness especially when we are past midlife.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): Her being 41 I'm sure doesn't help. She is a very attractive woman, thin (Size 6), works out every day, but she still thinks of herself as having some fat on her that she needs to get rid of. I personally don't see it! She is the most attractive woman that I have ever been with! As far as how she is flirting, she is a very affectionate person that has to hug, touch and greet everyone in this manner. I usually do not have a problem with this but with this one particular person it gets more intense. He is a very tall man, about 290 lbs and when she gives him a hug she jumps on him by wrapping her legs around his waist. I just don't know why she feels she has to do this? The last situation she felt to urge to sit on his lap and hug him and then they started simulating sexual moves. While she was doing this she looked at me and smiled like she was teasing me! I just don't like it and want it to stop but I feel like it may be starting to really work on our relationship becuse I am showing some jealously. I think any man would if he were in my situation! She calls me insecure but she is making me this way. I've explained to her that I have no ambition to go and flirt with any other woman and can't understand why she feels the need to. We have a good relationship until this person is in the picture. She has a son that is almost his age and she keeps reiterating that he is young enough to be her son and that I have nothing to worry about but I do and am puzzled why she feels she needs to continue to act in this manner!
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (28 March 2009):
It may be that she is 41 and feeling strange about getting older... she may need the validation that flirting with a younger man gives her, to help make her feel like she's still got game. I'm sure it's innocent, but the fact that you have called her out on it and she got mad at you instead of backing down or reassuring you... ouch. That's a bit skewed. You haven't given us a lot of detail as to what "flirting" means. That could be anything from a smile and a sassy comment... all the way to innapropriate suggestions. I don't know what to tell you here - maybe what's good for the goose is good for the gander... flirt with the next cute 23 year old waitress next time you are out to dinner and see how she feels about the shoe on the other foot! :-)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): Oh and by the way...This 23 year old has told me the things he would like to do with my fiance which has added fuel to the fire. It seems like a no win situation! I would guess this is what has set up the thoughts in my mind that has me questioning as to why she continues to flirt with him even though I have asked her to stop. I have never been a jealous person! So why is it that this bothers me so much?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): i think you need to talk to your fiance as well.it is not only your friends fault.
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