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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,My friend (also my flatmate) was recently talking about how much he hates a certain religion and everything they stand for. I turned round and told him that one of my friends is of the same religion and he was quite shocked. I told him that he was planning to visit me this summer (he lives in Chicago) and he said he doesn't want to meet him. I was very angry because I think it's unfair to judge someone on their religion/race, especially since they are born into it and it is not something within their control. I know my friend is probably not a practitioner of the religion and he follows a couple of general traditions, but to be honest i'm not completely sure of what his view or standpoint is on his own religion because it has never been a topic of discussion, given that I had little interest in the topic of religion/politics. I'm assuming he disagrees with some of the terrible things their religion condones or believes. But I said to my flatmate that I won't speak to him if he does meet my friend and is rude or mean. He said he won't be, if he does happen to meet him, unless he brings up his religion at all. I really have no idea how to feel about it all. I knew my friend made jokey racist comments, but I had absolutely no idea he actively judged someone on religion to the point where he says he hates everyone of that religion. And given that this friend of mine is someone I have known for many years, I am in panic that if he does visit, somehow, it could be an issue. I have no idea how I should feel about my flatmate after what has been discussed as well. What do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2012): Actually religion is something you can control and no-one is born into it. I was baptised a Catholic for example and I hate everything that religion stands for. It's nothing like race at all. It's a choice.
Don't panic OP. Just tell him straight up that he's not to bring up religion as a topic just in case and he most likely won't.
Look if you were Irish I'd say not to worry about it too much, we're very relaxed when it comes to religion even the fundamentalists here. I have a non-denominational friend who is a devout Christian we have a long discussions and debates about the topic and quite enjoy engaging in that kind of thing. I have another who is a very devout Catholic and gets very offended if you even joke about Jesus, so it's just something I never bring up, no big deal. But you're American and in my experience you and your countrymen put a profound emotional aspect to even a minor view and tend to get offended by even the slightest criticism of such a view. You Americans are far too highly strung, you need to chill out.
As far as the "I'll never talk to you again" thing, see what I mean? You Americans are so melodramatic that you're willing to never talk to your flatmate ever again if it turns out he offends your friend. A bit of an overreaction don't you think? Disagreement and debate are always possibilities. You're kind of pre-empting drama and making things uncomfortable from the outset. They may just not like each other as people are you going to always going to pick a side and become defensive in situations like that? I have friends of friends that I quite literally have no time for, I think they're dicks but not one of my friends cares how we interact.
Chill out OP, stop being so over emotional. Religious people are perfectly capable of defending their beliefs on their own, believe it or not they're used to people criticising them and non-believers are the same. Let them get to know each other and if things get out of hand, just play the peacemaker and change the subject, just don't start crying and freaking out because two people with different beliefs may have an argument, they're grown adults. Don't take a side most religious people aren't that bothered by religious debate or jokes they quite like to have their views challenged because if your views can't stand up to a challenge then they're not very powerful views are they?
A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (3 March 2012):
 Your flatmates promised you he wont be rude or mean to your friend. See if he keeps to his promise.
Flatmate or not this person is clearly narrow minded and probably had a bad experience with the religion in question.
You just got to see how this pans out when he meets your friend. Hopefully he sticks to his promise.
Goodluck!
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (3 March 2012):
 It's very easy to make blanket statements about people one doesn't know so chances are your flatmate will be more cordial with him when he actually meets him face to face. He did say as much. He may have his opinions but his manner of expressing them is probably more bravado than anything else.
As for what you should feel about it...nothing. It has nothing to do with you nor is it likely to impact your life. Your flatemate is as entitled to his views as everyone else is, even when they're unpopular. And trying to push yours on him will only backfire anyway. No one likes ultimatums and giving him one may compell him to dig in his heels just out of principal.
You've said your piece, now leave it alone. I think this will all work out on its own without you trying to force matters and stressing yourself out.
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