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anonymous
writes: HiI'm due to get married next year (July). My fiancee lives with me (2 Years). We have been together 5 years. My problem is this, she is very close to her mother and father, to the extent that her mother's friend threatened me to her approval, of which i was shocked and annoyedMy partner thought I was overreacting and too sensitive to her mother's actions, because her mother had had a drink. She also sees her mother every day and phones her when she gets home in the evening. Is this over the top? I feel my partner can't stand on her own two feet. This has been one example of many things that she involves her mother with.When I visit her parents, my partner tells them about some of my faults which are not bad, just personnal which I believe should be our problems, not her parents'. I have tried to tell her but she gets very defensive with me saying there's nothing wrong with her relationship with her mum.Ii dont want her to not see her mum.Am I being nasty, am I wrong? I just feel she's treated like a child and not an adult who should stand on her own two feet. She cant see it. Help
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2005): HiThere is a true saying - a son is a son til he takes a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life.A word to the wise... try try try not to come between mother and daughter, you will lose.I don't like the way your fiancee puts you down infront of others like this tho. Its ok to tell her how you feel, it is your right... but this isn't working... try talking to her calmly. Wait til she is in a reasonable mood. 1- make sure you compliment her first, 2- let her know that you need to speak to her but what you are going to say is not to hurt her or to cause an arguement... it is something that you need to say.3- if she becomes defensive and angry, make sure you keep calm, repeat No.2, quietly and calmly.4- finish what you have to say - then say NOTHING. Listen. Don't interrupt, don't become angry or feel hurt.. remember what you asked of her.Perhaps a change of address might help, somewhere a little further away from the inlaws? I am sure she will relax a bit more once you are married. She will be feeling a little insecure at starting her own life too.I know it's hard but do try to be calm... ask yourself if you really do need to marry yet... she does sound a little insecure and immature. No doubt you are having a few butterflies too. Fear not, I am sure things will settle soon.Best of luck for both of your future together.(((Hugs)))
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