A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am in a long distance relationship and recently got engaged. There is no doubt that I love my fiance. There is however something that I have never shared with anyone and wanted to know what your advice would be. About two weeks after startting our relatioship my fiance revealed to me that she had an abortion. Her family does not know about this only a good friend. I was kinda shocked but realised that it was in the past and let it. She also told me that she had only one relationship before me and that during this relationship had her first sexual experience. She also told me that she had no serious relationship after her first relationship, so she was without a boyfriend for about 4 years.After getting engaged, earlier this year she revealed to me only after questioning her and stumbling on this issue by mistake that she had an affair with a colleague who happens to be a married man. She has guarunteed that the relationship is over but still works fairly closely with him.I do not have a problem with what has happened in her past but my question is this, can her past become an issue in the future and can I trust her
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abortion, affair, engaged, fiance, her past, long distance, married man Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (15 July 2008):
 Sorry it took so long to add to this after you answered my question. I forgot to follow up!
Her having an affair with a married man at any time bespeaks of her character and that is something you really need to seriously think about. But because it happened in her past, before you even knew her, you cannot hold against her in the same way you would if she had done it more recently. She may have grown and matured in the time since then and (hopefully!!) regrets what she did. If she had done this after she met you, I would say drop her like a hot potato. But because it was before you, and in her past, you may be able to work it out. That does not mean you have to tacitly approve of what she did, but you can forgive. I cannot tell you if she is worthy of this forgiveness, only you can. Good luck!!!!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): The affair happened before I knew her
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (24 June 2008):
When did this affair happen? Before or after you met her?
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A
male
reader, Wulfgrimm +, writes (24 June 2008):
How much of your past have you left out? I know you havn't told her everything. You know what, I don't want to know every little detail of my lovers life because its not my place to know. Yes if its a big enough deal then I might "want" to know, but part of a relationship is trusting that the person can be trusted if that makes any since.
"Love is giving somebody the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to".
an abortion was her choice and it was before you so it really shouldn't matter.
Maybe she didn't want to tell you about the colleague because she felt guilty that she was fooling around with a married man.
I am not trying to take her side, because yes she could very well be untrust worthy. But I think that you should work through it and try, if you love her and she loves you then damnit make it work.
Maybe instead of being so focused on her past you should worry about you and her present. Just a thought.
Good luck.
-Cris
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): Vow, that is a difficult question; as we can not tell you if it will or will not; that is entirely upto you and your fiancee;
I suggest you get all the answers you want now; before getting married; then you have to decide;
However, the past is the past; reach out for the future!
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