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male
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anonymous
writes: My fiancee's father recently died after a short illness. Our wedding had been scheduled for next Summer. A month after the funeral, she has moved out and started seeing her father's best friend, a man who, to my mind, is a younger version of her father in almost every way. Apart from the chaos this has naturally caused me, I am very worried that she has gone off the rails psychologically - but in every other sense she appears normal, and just the same as she was before. Any advice?
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (21 October 2006):
 To answer the question:
Frank, how do you draw the conclusion that this woman is bi-polar?
Answer:
I do not know if she is bi-polar. I said that her behavior is similar to the women I have dated that were bi-polar. I wrote that in so that the Asker knows that I have experience with the type of pain he is in. I do not hve intimate knowledge, but I do have an understanding of the experience do to similar relationships.
Like I said, if she is, or is not, this behavior indicates that she is NOT the one for him.
-Frank B Kermit
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2006): Frank, how do you draw the conclusion that this woman is bi-polar?
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (20 October 2006):
Sorry for your loss dude. Not only for your future father-in-law, but also your relationship. I dated bi-polar women a couple of times, but no more. The type of behavior you have described here is very much in line with my experience. Extreme actions during crisis emotional times. My guess is that the loss and mourning for her father has pushed her to taking drastic actions. Either way, I think the end of this relationship for you is a good thing. If she is healthy and just made this choice, then that sucks, but better now than if you had been married with children. If she is acting out of mourning for her father, then good riddance. Part of being in a marriage (correct me if I am wrong) is to partner up with someone to be with you through good times and bad. Well, the death of a parant is a bad time. She did not stick by you, and possibly acted impulsively. That is not someone that I would want as the potential mother of my children.Heal dude. I hope you find some consolence in this. Take this behavior as a sign that she was NOT the person you ought to be spending your time with.-Frank B Kermit
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou're probably right, thanks. I assume nothing, and I do hope that she is happy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2006): You cannot 'assume', she will be miserable, dear. She's had a good role model in her father, of what a respectful good, caring man is, and that's what she wants and she went after it. Her father was the first supportive, strong male in her life. Good, caring Fathers do give their daughters the self-love and confidence necessary for making personal choices of they type of male, they want to share in their lives. Obviously, it matters not that this new man was an 'uncle' to her growing up. They are not related and they are both adults now. So best to try not to drive yourself batty trying to understand why. I am sorry you got hurt. Recover and heal...then open your heart to finding someone who sees in you, the fine qualities she wants in a man. Good luck and take care
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice both of you. And I love this girl very much, so if this is what is going to make her happy then so be it. Yes, her dad was a good man, and this guy, as far as I can tell, is a good man too. He is very like her father in appearance and in the things he likes to do. He has always looked after her as an "uncle" figure, so I am afraid that she is just looking to replace her dad and could end up miserable.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2006): Are you saying she broke up with you to pursue a love relationship with this other man? If yes, it's really hard to assess whether she has gone off the rails here. Because you do state in every other way she is normal and just the same. I have to assume she was close to her Dad? It that's the case, I would think perhaps the loss of her father has made her rethink about they type of man, she really wants in her life. There is nothing wrong with a woman taking the good qualities of what her father embodied and try to find that in a man, she chooses to share her life with. Sometimes a loss, makes a woman think long and hard about these things. After all, which male figure did she 'trust and respect' the most in her life? Her Dad. It sounds like he was a profound influence in her life. If this friend of her Father's who embodies the good qualities she found most admirable about her Dad makes her happy then really, dear--there is not much more to be said about this. If her Father was a tyrant and treated her horridly, then yes...I'd say she has a deep rooted problem. In any case, you have no choice but to accept her decision on which life path she takes. I would back off and just look after yourself and find your own happiness, elsewhere. Good luck, dear
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female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (20 October 2006):
 Hi,
I understand how u feel.I want to encourage you though to find the strength to move on. Your wedding wasnt just meant to be at that particular time that is why those chain of event happened. The same happened to me too but a whole different scenorio and i got to crisis point. Mine was about a month to my wedding. But u see i have dust the sand off my feet and moved on. Even though this is easier said that done i know the feelings and how hard it was for me. But right now i'm proud i did so,for i have found myself a much more wonderful man who wouldnt hurt me for the world.
Dont try to figure her out just allow her be. Go on with your life if it was meant to be she is wake up and realise u were the one before u end up with someone else.
Goodluck dear
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