A
female
age
41-50,
*eanenolan
writes:hi this is my second posting.Have now just found out that since october maybe before my partner has been using one on one sex lines and there are codes like 69955 and 69691 on them.I haven confronted him yet as he is at work.Please can someone tell me what i should do as i am due to get married in six weeks and have already as you may of seen on my other posting caught him uploading profiles on a website called sexsearch. Please can you tell me if this is classed as cheating in your eyes?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2007): I'm assuming you are very upset about this is what I write here: at minimum you are somewhat upset or wouldnt be writing in:
Your fiance should not be doing something that hurts you so much if he loves you. This is going to be an uphill battle for you. You aren't going to forget about this and just feel better so you have to talk to him about it (either that or just leave, and not many of us would be able to just leave when the wedding is 6 weeks off).
Even if your fiance apologizes and throws himself at your feet, he could very easily keep doing this but just get more secretive. Or stop then start again in 3 months (that is what happened to me, as soon as we had a major argument, he went back online as revenge.) Sometimes they apologize and grovel, but more often they become defensive and say it is harmless, no touching, no threat to you, don't be a prude.
He may have lost control over it as it can be addictive. See another Dear Cupid thread from August 19 about this -
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-husband-has-a-strong-desire-for-internet.html
The first reply is from a guy who says he personally has an addiction and that he feels terrible about it but hasn't taken the steps he needs to to get cured.
Maybe your fiance will feel terrible too. Maybe he will do what it takes to make it right. But do take care of yourself and don't set yourself up for years of torment about this. Divorce lawyers say something like 60% of divorces now cite online porn/cybersex/chat as one of reasons for the divorce.
Sorry I write so much, I always do ;-}
I do wish you the best. You are far from being the only one who has had this happen and who has been very upset about it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2007): Why are you asking other people if this is cheating? Do YOU think it's cheating? Your opinion is the only one that matters here. What does your gut tell you, how do you feel about it? Personally, yes, I think it's cheating, big time. He is not respecting you by searching for other women and sexual satisfaction elsewhere. More importantly, marriage is a testament of love... do you really want to marry someone whose idea of love tolerates this behavior? I wouldn't marry this person, not yet anyway. Good luck, hope you can sort things out.
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