A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Pornography is effecting my relationsip..Help!My fiancee has used pornography in the past and lied to me about it. He has done it whilst i have been asleep, or gone out for a while. We have always had a very healthy sex life until this cropped up. We both have high sex drives and i thought there wasnt a problem. He has reasurred me that it is not me, but i can no longer trust him as he has lied so much about it and wont talk to me about why it is so important to keep doing it. He goes away alot, i would be fine but i dont look at it: if i did he would be devesated. He said so himself. i dont out of respect for him. What is so wrong with me that this keeps happening? i dont want to leave him as i love him dearly but i cant go on feeling like this. i have always had a good self esteem, i dont think im ugly, i have a good body but it doesnt seem enough for him. im even thinking of breat surgery but he doesnt want me to do it! i cant go on like this my self esteem is at rock bottom. what can i do to get him to communitcate? i have tried everything!
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male
reader, leonard j, Douglas  +, writes (20 December 2007):
Every woman on the street is naked to the lustful eyes of a male. Where a woman sees another woman's clothing,Well,Most of us men see lovely sexy bodies. So most men are engaged in their own mental Porn,like it or not. and it's my understanding that as most of the Porn industry is run and operated by women
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): Okay...
Let me get this straight?
The guy isn't cheating. He's not off screwing around.
He's just firing off some knuckle children to some internet porn (what, did you think the internet was made for research? :P) to relieve a sex drive that, with all respect, is far higher then a womans.
You can deny it all you want, but men like looking at naked women. Even if we have not a single intention of ever going out with these women, or having sex with any of them.
Women take this shit way, way to seriously. It isn't a comment on your sexual prowess. Its just that you don't want to have sex as much as we do. Or a tenth as often.
Besides no woman WANTS to have sex with anyone, anywhere. And to titillate us with any thoughts otherwise is just... bogus.
So just forget about it and start looking at your own porn. I mean at least he's got the good gracious to keep it discreet. Did you want him to put up a nude woman as a desktop wallpaper?
What the hell is it with women and not liking porn?
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): thankyou for the advice, i have had a good chat, i feel i am getting somewhere with it, only time will tell if my conversation has worked: 'i said its either that or me as im not going to put up with it and if it happens again im leaving you.' it made an impact! thanks again for the advice.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (18 December 2007):
 So start looking at porn (or make out like you have, or leave hints that you have) and give him a taste of his own medicine!
He sounds like he either has a problem, or no respect for you, as you have told him this upsets you.
If he has said he would be devastated if you looked at porn, the only way to make him REALLY understand how you feel, is to make him feel how you are feeling now.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (18 December 2007):
 Stand up for what you believe in. One of you has got to give. You or him. If it causes a big problem, you were never meant to be together. It he stops, he truly loves you. After a month, let him have a little porn back, he's yours.
Richard
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