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female
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anonymous
writes: My fiancee and I have been engaged for 5 months. About 3 times now, he has asked me for a break in our relationship. I always reluctantly let him, but the day after he does this he always wants me back. He wants to marry me and live a stable life, but he also wants to be a teenager again. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2005): Does he do this kind of thing when you guys go to dinner....? Is he always so indecisive? I don't think he is ready for marriage hunny. He is engaged to be married...he can't go on like this. It is frustrating for you and it is downright disrespectful. It is time that you need to give an ultimatum...me or the girlies!
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (31 July 2005):
 I agree with both Becky and Irish49, and am only weighing in as a third opinion to make it unanimous.
If your fiance keeps breaking up with you then coming back, he really doesn't know what he wants. He's definitely not ready for marriage if he can't even handle engagement... Can you imagine trying to have a stable married life with someone who keeps walking in and out of the relationship? It would be a 24-hour drama and staying married is hard enough. You shouldn't have to live with that.
Call off the wedding. PLEASE trust me on this. No one should ever go through getting married, just because it seemed easier than admitting they were afraid to postpone it. No matter how many shoes have been bought and invitations printed, it's going to be easier to call the wedding off than to go through an unpleasant marriage or an ugly divorce.
Your fiance isn't ready yet. That's not a fault of his, it's just a fact. You'll be doing both of you a favour to address this issue soon. (Personally, if I'd postponed mine for 6 months, I could have avoided 7 years of hell.)
Now is the time to speak with him. It'll be hard to bring it up, but you really need to do so, without arguing, blaming or judgement. Here's a sample line to get you started:
"Remember the trouble we had last week, James? It made me think that it's too soon for us to get married. I think we need to talk about postponing things..."
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2005): Then he has to make a big decision, doesn't he. My opinion is: he's definitely not ready for committment and doesn't know how to tell you. He still needs to progress, develop and attain that mature frame of mind that will allow him to uderstand how serious a committment, such as engagement, really is. He's just not there yet. You both need to have a good talk..ask him if he wants to be engaged at all. Love is committment and it sounds like he's got a case of "cold feet". He's one confused guy..so give him some space and expect nothing from him, for now. Allow him some space so he can go and think about his life & he can allow himself the much needed time to mature.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (29 July 2005):
Tell him he cant go on like this, if he has agreed to get mareried then he shouldnt need breaks from the relationship, if he feels he does then he is not ready to get married.
Next time he asks for a break tell him 'no' he has to face up toi reality and his responsibilities.
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