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female
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anonymous
writes: my fiancee of three years broke up with me last month and i am still completely in love with him and i feel he feels the same way. we have gone on some dates call and text all the time, he says maybe we should live our own lives for a while and discover who we really are before we get back together.what does this mean and how can i get him back?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2006): I'm the woman who posted anonymously. I just want to say that it is entirely possible there is NOT another woman involved.People grow and change, and after three years with you, it could well be that he is in a "different place" now in terms of what he wants out of life.In any event, PLEASE, do focus on your own life, as I and the other posters have said!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2006): It sounds like he has met someone new and it has made him seriously question his relationship with you. He is probably very confused about what to do so he is still meeting you as he doesn't want to lose you completely but also wants to try with the new person. He probably will not tell you this though.
I think you should sit him down, talk about where your relationship went wrong. Explain to him that you love him but you can't wait forever. Then follow every word of the anonymous female advisors advice. If you wait for him the pain you will feel when you see him for the first time with a new girl will crush you. So work on building your life up. New friends, boyfriends, having fun, learning new things, working, travelling....
When the day comes you will find it may hurt but not as much as it will hurt if you haven't claimed your own independence at that point.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2006): He broke up with you a month ago, and, despite "texting and calling and going on some dates together", you say he thinks you should both live your own lives for a while to discover who you both really are.Okay. This means live your lives SEPARATELY. YOU may still be "completely in love with him", but unfortunately, it seems pretty clear to me that he does not feel the same way. Otherwise, why would he have broken up with you?I know this is hard, and you're disappointed and upset, but you need to begin thinking of your life with him not in it. Stop calling and going on dates with him, and instead, enjoy going out with your women friends. EVEN go on a few dates with other men!!!!! Yes, that's right, go out with one or two other guys. NO NEED TO JUMP INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP. All I'm saying is, you should think about doing some casual dating. You know, meet for lunch or coffee, or an evening of bowling, sort of thing.Living life without your now ex-fiance will give you an opportunity to get some fresh perspective and to think about why your engagement ended. Perhaps there was a lot of conflict and difficulties? Maybe he felt it had just grown stale? Whatever it was, you do need to spend some time considering these things.POSSIBLY, in a few months from now he will decide to get back with you. If so, all well and good. Remember though, that even if he does come back, you may have changed and moved on yourself.For right now, don't try to get him back. Just accept that he is no longer your fiance. Get on with enjoying your life, and see what happens.Good luck, and sorry you are feeling bad about this.
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