A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I saw her first. This woman was talking to the mail lady in the alley from my fiance's 2nd floor apartment. I saw them talking from the window I was at. The woman was raking leaves and putting them in the wheel barrow. It looks like she was hired to clean up the neighbors lawn. I went back to the table because my fiance wanted to grill me a sandwich at the oven where the window is at. He looked out the window and saw this woman and I counted, he looked 15 times down and was silent. He gave me the sandwich and then turned and said he had to go down and get the mail. Of course I knew what he was up to--he wanted a closer look at this woman. He was gone for a while, longer than it takes to get the mail, I would say 10 minutes when the mailbox is just a flight of stairs down to the door. Then we left to go to the lake. As we were walking away, he rubber necked over me and looked back at the woman as she was pushing the wheel barrow down the street at the neighbors house. I looked back at her when my fiance turned his head forward and was walking in front of me and she noticed I was looking at her. Has your husband/fiance/boyfriend ever done this? What would you do in this case?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2012): Yes my partner used to stare at women all the time. Eventually I asked him to stop doing it in my presence because I felt it was bad mannered of him and women were finding him creepy. So he stopped doing it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2012): Nope never had a bf do this. I am not so naive as to think they never noticed a sexy woman but they had the decency not to do it in my presence. Similarly I like to look at hot guys but don't make it obvious if I was with my significant other.
My husband however has this bad habit of staring blatantly at people. Not only women but just anyone man or woman, young or old, by themselves or families, like the way a small kid stares at someone because they look strange or just happen to be there. I keep telling my husband its rude to stare at the family arguing at the next table or the couple kissing in front of us at the mall or whatever but he just cant help it he lives to eavesdrop on other peoples conversations and the staring is part of it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2012): Ask him what was up with that before you jump to conclusions. He could have been leering seedily or like me and my girlfriend were the other day staring our inept neighbour hilariously attempt some manual labour. We spent a good half an hour watching her try to prune the tree in her garden with some long handled clippers. Before I eventually went out and offered to help, something he may have done when he went down.
He may also been looking to see if she was looking at him or maybe she has some kind of weird physical feature, is ill, or useless at manual labour.
I mean you were looking at her too OP. Sounds like she was a distraction to both of you really, next time turn on the TV or a radio or something if you don't want to look at other people.
If this isn't something he normally does then it's probably not what you've come to the conclusion that it was. We tend to be more subtle about things like that OP.
I say talk to him but don't assume anything. You may be looking for a problem that's not actually there. My girlfriend was staring quite intently at a man and his kid in the park the other day, taking long looks and looking to past me to look at them. Turns out she was fully sure she knew him from somewhere and it was wrecking her head she couldn't think where so she kept looking over in the hope of figuring it out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2012): "Has your husband/fiance/boyfriend ever done this?"
I've been married for almost 3 years, and my husband has NEVER done anything like this. The most he's ever done is briefly second glanced someone. I do this myself, with both men and women. If they're wearing something unusual, or something else about them stands out, we'll glance at them for a few extra seconds. That's all the further it goes, though. What your husband did was downright creepy. I also bet if she noticed what he was doing, she thought so as well. Lets face it, 15 times is excessive to start with, but actually going down to see her is taking it too far. He's not just looking anymore, he's fantasizing about her.
"What would you do in this case?"
Talk to him about it. Tell him what you saw, and stick by it. I'm sure he'll try to deny it, and when he does, just look him right in the eyes and say "I know what I saw". Don't let him convince you that you're insecure, jealous, or crazy. I think most women would be bothered by this. Let him know he isn't going to change your mind. Tell him it's one thing to take a quick look, or even check someone out, but it's NOT okay to go out of his way to take a closer look, follow someone around and blatantly stare at them until they're out of sight. Not only is it creepy, it's rude and disrespectful to you.
If his behavior doesn't change after your talk with him, then you might want to consider not marrying this man. As much as I don't like advising people to break up, sometimes it's for the best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2012): I'm a guy so I can speak about this from a male perspective.We guys are lookers. It's pretty much ingrained into our being. It's not necessarily a choice we have.Instincts and monogamy are actually incompatible. Nature's goal for animals was to spread the genes and diversify. If we acted ONLY on our instincts, all of us would be in one huge orgy, going after every possible opportunity to reproduce.Now, that being said, we are humans. We're civilized, we have intelligence, we have a sense of society, and we can feel LOVE and COMPANIONSHIP. We are able to bounce right over those instincts and offer up LOVE to one girl, and can do it for the rest of our lives. (At least the good guys can. ;-)However we can't totally turn off that instinct. It would be bad to turn off all instincts. They give us fight or flight response and make us hungry when we need food. We have learned to control them to a great degree but they're still down there. I'm almost certain your guy's reaction to an attractive woman was nothing more than a look. It's a way we can keep that instinct in check while not having to act on it.All this being said, if a guy cheats on you, or spends TOO MUCH time with another girl and ignores you in the process, that is NOT ok. Instinct is NOT an excuse to cheat, be unfaithful, or be unattentive or cruel to your partner. Think of it this way. It's much better for him to satisfy his instincts by looking an attractive woman up and down a few times, rather than cheating!I really wouldn't hold this over his head. Even if he went down to introduce himself and talked for 10 minutes, it doesn't automatically mean in any way that he intends to take any action towards her. Unless he ends up cheating or spending an inordinately large amount of time with another woman, I think you really have nothing to worry about. (P.S. I'm guessing you won't be able to tell me, honestly, that you've never eyed a famous actor or male sex symbol yourself... *wink* )
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