A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for 3 years now and a few weeks ago, we become engaged and have started to plan a wedding in disney, florida in 2010. a few weeks/months before he proposed, we began thinking about seriously moving to florida. He is 27, and i am 19. He still lives with his mother and she has said that she is soon planning to sell her house and give him some money towards property. We began looking at houses in florida, and he started talking about his mum being there too. At first i wasn't that fussed- she is a very nice lady and i get on with her very well. We understood and looked into the difficulties of moving out there (visa's ect) and although it may be difficult for her to move out there, he is still talking as if she is coming too. The thing is, people have been telling us not to start married life together under the same roof as parents/comapny. And i have been telling my partner of the kinda things that i can't wait to do (this will sound cheesy), like cooking him romantic meals and being spontaenous around the house (if you know what i mean!) and he has responded 'so we will be getting it on in the kitchen and my mum will be chilling in the pool'. I wouldn't mind at all living under the same roof as her but i want to have some intimacy and space alone with my partner, doing special things together in our own home. He just doesn'y understand where i am coming from. has anyone else been in a similar situation or could someone give me some advice. Perhaps im just looking into this too much? It's as if he doesnt want her to be alone, nor leave her to live alone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2008): I read your post and cringed. Yeeeek. This guy has not grown up at all and that sounds warning bells straight away. Why on earth would a hot blooded male, with a lovely new wife want to share a house with him Mum if he did not absolutely have to. He cannot let go of her.... or maybe its the other way around - but you will always be compromised if you live with her too and it will create the most massive massive divide in your relationship. He has issues regarding his mother I am sure of it because at 27 he should definitely be free of the mummys boy syndrome. I find it pretty disgusting actually because there are boundaries of privacy that you simply won't have. I can only be blunt because I'm trying to save you from misery and disappointment - tell him you want to live together just the two of you or not at all - and mean it babe. He needs to grow up and quick. If he chooses his Mum realise that he always would have done and you are better off finding a real man. You needed to hear from him that "I cannot wait for us to have some privacy together and live like a proper couple" not him trying to find ways of integrating his Mum into his personal life.
A
female
reader, babybiy  +, writes (5 September 2008):
 how bout you just talk to him about her living like next door.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (5 September 2008):
Didn't you ask this question last week?
I think the advice given then was:
If he is not sure about moving to the other side of the world and abandoning his mother then don't do it.
You need privacy as newly weds.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, princessjasmine  +, writes (5 September 2008):
i had the sammme problem aas u, and its a hard decision. I agree, u hav to hav ur own time/space, i personally wudnt wanna live with the guys family..i just cant enjoy that, but the problem here is, he wants to take care of his mom...so its kinda a tug of war game btwn mom and wife...maybe it wont b so bad if its just the mom, and if u love him ull enjoy him regardless. Personally tho, I let go of my guy, I just cant deal with the stresses of the entire family , u just hav a mom to worry about...and a NICE mom, if shes cool, then its gonna b fine...mine wasnt all that nice, sooo i was like screw this...trust me, ull hav plenty of alone time in the bedroom....but maybe u can try to convince him to get ur own place, and buy his mom her own place and to explain the situation to the mom...maybe she'll understand, u 2 cud b neighbors!
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