A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have found out,that after years of being told Iam keeping secrets,that my fiance herself has had her own secrets. Basicaly,she has told lie after lie about who is on the other side of a phone number that keeps cropping up. She has finaly admitted it is a male friend she knew before me. The story changes slightly from time to time. It appears we were in a club one night and some guy i dont know bumped right past me. That is the guy who is her so called "just a friend". I really dont know what to believe anymore. I am now suspicious of her and take everything she says as a potential lie. I hate he fact that she has made an absolute fool of me. If he was just a friend why didnt she introduce me to her rude friend?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2008): If it's bothering you that much, just tell her it's making you uncomfortable with her having a male friend that you know nothing about. See how far that'll get you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): i cant believe that not one of you agony aunts had a decent word to say about me you all pressume im lying or having an affair or planning one talk about 1 sided,how many of you would believe your partner if you found 5 or more photos in their phone of another female or male whom you dont know and not mentioned to you and then to be told its a friend of your teenaged son whom is old enough to be his mum yet its in his phone you find the photos along side yours and his answer is you either believe me or you dont,please all agony aunts your opinions and beliefs on this thanks
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2007): She doesnt sound like she cares much. Be very careful.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): Be afraid. Be very afraid.
And be judgemental & untrusting to her about this.
You're probably worried about overreacting and punishing her for something that she might not really have done wrong. You don't know.
But, the fact that she's done so much lying basically makes you and idiot NOT to assume she's still lying. Don't get her guilt-trip you into thinking anything else. The burden of proof that she's innocent is squarely on HER now.
Ten to one she's done at least SOMETHING that she's ashamed of with this other dude. Maybe it's sex or maybe it's not, but she clearly wanted to keep something about him(them) from you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): If she claims he isnt a close friend then why give her number and not mention it? She sounds like she wants a no strings otherwise she wouldnt lie. I would run a mile if i found a woman like her. You are in for a very rough ride if your stupid enough to stay around.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): I think the fact that she raises issues herself is justifying her own wrong doings. Basicaly she has met a guy in a bar and exchanched numbers. If there was no intention why was it kept secret?
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (7 November 2007):
 First let me address her again. If this guy was someone you hadn't seen for years, you just bumped into him without any additional intentions, how did he get your cell phone number to sent text messages. Did you mention to him at the bar that you were there with your boyfriend?
This is true, it's not a healthy relationship if there is lack of trust, revenge on the past, blaming, and not taking responsibility. Both of you need to realize neither one of you is at all obligated to the other person. There is not rights in relationships to place blame, to threaten, to bug each other about what took place before you got together. You have the right to demand respect, and to not be treated less than you choose to be treated. You don't have the right to do anything that has a negative affect on the other, such as mental or physical abuse, cheating, etc. Just as respect has to take place with each other, the relationship its self has to be respected. People in relationships are their because they choose to spend time with that person, not because they have to be, or are obligated to be. If the respect or trust of the other person is violated, people have the right to remove themselves form that situation. In "real" relationships there is also a abundance of caring about the other person and making sure you don't do something to cause them pain.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): I am the original writer. I have no female friends. These were over 3 1/2 years ago and stopped because she felt insecure of them. Everything she has done to me,she blames me for.Even in revenge for relationships i had before i met her. The truth is,she cant say no. There will be no more because its unreal to carry on a relationship with someone who i cant trust. Its got to the stage where i cant believe which inconsistancy to believe. No matter what i ask,i end up being questioned.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (7 November 2007):
I don't know who's cheating on who, but I both sides are correct, get some pre-marital help before saying I do. Now since there is no reply from the male reader, to the female reader: If it's an innocent "old" friend connection, why lie about who's on the phone. If you're lying about who called or text then reveal at a later date, you devalued your relationship by the untruth. Also do you understand that behaviors are separate. His are his only and yours are yours only, so you cant say "i see my partner failed to mention", without it sounding like you're bringing up a behavior from someone else to justify your behavior or actions. Their separate. His behavior can't determine or receive blame for your and the other way around.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): i am the person he is talking about and for all you agonys i am not or ever cheated with my friend,i have not introduced my partner for the reason being my friend i hadnt seen for years an bumped into him and we exchanged a few txts for 1 day,we aint close never even been to my house if i ever see him again when im with my partner i will introduce him just to see my partners face,i see my partner failed to mention his female friend whom he wont introduce to me thats because she wants him as her man,and he knows this so what is he hiding,his he cheating on me you agonys decide
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): You are now in a situation,dare i say it,but cant believe a word she tells you. She is cheating and betraying even if she hasnt slept with him. I would prepare for the worst case though,because chances are she has and still is. You either stay and torture yourself or go. We all know its hard to leave,but face the facts,she has little respect for you and even less for herself. A typical person would be hurting when you hurt,if they love you. It doesnt sound like she cares. Is her lover married?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): hi from what i can make out i believe you have already found her guilty of what failing to introduce you to a male friend,what is the big deal,cant she have friends without your approval,and now you cant believe a word she says,well atleast she`ll have a great escape from someone whom trieing to run her life and have little or no respect for her as not ever did you mention how you feel about her,just jumping the gun and accusing as male partners do,just an excuse to bail out,grow up and realise you may just be wrong
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): just because she hasnt introduced you doesnt mean she`s cheating,what other evidence have you got that she is actually seeing someone else,is she lacking in the bedroom or has she changed her routine these are the first signs as i have been cheated on in two relationships.have you introduced her to all your friends the female ones as well as male,maybe there is one or two you havent mentioned or introduced,seems you may be being a little hasty in your accusations ,if you love this girl dont damage your relationship out of what ifs as it may well be imposssible to repair,be very careful and choose your words carefuly as i now realise,good luck and hope it works out
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): She is cheating. You dont need it spelling out.
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