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female
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anonymous
writes: i need advice im so confused hurt and do feel cheated on in a sense. me and my fiance were cuddled in bed when hes stupid fantasy comes up lesbians. i feel really uncomfortable when he always go on and it puts me off him otha than that hes the best man in everyway. but anyway i rant on saying its all about image and two gorge women not what typical girl couple wud be i hate it when u start chatting. he protests its not that i promis i promise. i say oh be quite and cuddle him and hes laying there with i dnt wana say it but lets say hes obvouisly turned on i was so mad hurt upset. thought bout how he alsways say he only wants me. i know its daft but i cudnt go near him after that. its happend b4 when watchin just a film. i hate it it makes me feel cheated he keeps apoligsing helpl!!! i feel i wana end our relationship am i daft ova this
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female
reader, Clarey  +, writes (9 May 2006):
 There is not a single man I know of who is not turned on by lesbians. In fact there are lots of women who think of that secretly, or not, too. If you are honest you probably have fantasies of one sort or another (obviously not this) yourself. It is not being unfaithful to have fantasies, in fact many couples who are in long term relationships share them. It is a matter of trust and security. If there was a real possibility of this happening you would probably find him uncomfortable with it, as with most fantasies they are not real life. I think you should ask him to lay off talking about these things and explain that you are not sure how you will feel about sharing these things one day, but right now him telling you these things is off-putting. True intimacy needs to be built over time and should not be rushed. It most certainly involves respecting your feelings.
A
female
reader, Hot_Pink_Puppy989 +, writes (9 May 2006):
tell him how you feel and say that it hurts you and if he keeps talking about them then he isnt worth your love and time. if he wants to try and date a lesbian then let him go. but tell him how you feel and say that you love him and all but u feel uncomferable when he talks about it. hopefully he wil be unerstanding and stop but if he doesnt dump him and move on he isnt worth your loving, caring heart.
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A
female
reader, cfliberal +, writes (9 May 2006):
Everyone has sexual fantasies, so I don't think that aspect of it is a problem. As long as he doesn't try to make you participate in his fantasy, things seem harmless enough. Just tell him you get hurt when he talks about anything sexual involving other women and you'd appreciate it if he'd keep his fantasy to himself. You're right that it's the idea of lesbians rather than actual lesbians. He's thinking porn star women who'll do each other and then let him in on the action when in reality, most ordinary lesbians wouldn't want him in the same room, let alone naked and participating.
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A
female
reader, bridget +, writes (8 May 2006):
 Hey there anon..
You should not really feel ashamed for having these thoughts of being cheated on, I understand that they are your feelings and everyones feelings count..
I can understand your point about feeling hurt and cheated and used but every man has a fantasy and if your mans hurts you as much as that then you must talk to him and communicate more with him.
It is the only way you will be able to settle and have a calm approach to him. Please do not feel daft for thinking like this as your feelings count.
I would advise you to communicate with him though about your feelings and thoughts on this subject though, Once it is out in the open you will feel a whole lot better knowing you are not hiding your feelings..
Kind Regards
Jacqueline
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2006): Well to be honest, I think that alot of people have fantasies every now and then, which can turn them on. This is probably very normal thing especially with men as they are so visual and get turned on by what they see easier than women. However, if you have told him you get upset/uncomfortable by him telling you about it then he should respect our feelings and keep quiet about it. Alot of men get turned on by the thoughts of two women together so don't be upset about that - but if he keeps talking about it then he doesnt care about you enough and you should definitely think about ending the relationship. Or you could say that u get turned on by his best friend and see how he likes feeling upset by a fantasy ;)
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