A
female
age
51-59,
*uzuki
writes:I am having a major panic. Im engaged (was) to be married this December. Two weeks ago my fiance had an arguement that escalated and we pretty much havnt spoken. Now at the best of times he can be insecure and Im getting all the blame here as I apparantly left him after he said some hatefull comments. I mearly came home to let him cool off as he had been not sleeping coming off medications that week. So anyway. Things have gone completly out the window. All he did was end up shouting at me down the phone in total rage yelling me he didnt want to get married to me and didnt love me, I tried to get off the call as I couldnt get him to calm down and he kept spitting hate at me. I dont think Ive ever felt such pain in my life at his words. I would like to add that since all this he has cancelled nothing ie venue, he hasnt blocked me on his phone, his fb (im not on fb) is still the same all our pics are still there. He tx me last night saying the magic words 'I need space'..so Im going to respect this. Im just wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation and has come through this? Im heartbroken at his cruel words but I know we can all say things in anger.Thank you
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (2 May 2013):
 I am sorry to see that you are going through this. I know the difficulty you are going through: primarily, are you still together or not?
The fact that this has been going on for a few weeks now, doesn't bode well for your relationship. Couples are expected to disagree, even quarrel at times, but what you are going through is a total disconnect. Whatever the reasons or source of your argument, they have totally torpedoed your relationship.
While your boyfriend may be on a break, needing some time to gather his thoughts, I truly suspect after this length of time that he has one foot out the door.
I think you should take some time out and really consider if this is truly the man you are meant to be with. Once you are married, you are stuck with one another -- legally and financially. Imagine if this is how you two deal with your problems for the rest of your marriage... This should be a huge warning that you two might not have the skills to fix issues that come up. Your future may likely be rocky and you will live in fear of upsetting him. I am not assigning blame here, but it does take two committed individuals that live to make each other happy in a successful marriage -- do you have that? And do you really want to settle for less?
I know it can be challenging and scary to rethink things -- especially if you have already made plans and put down money to be married. But I think you owe it to yourself to consider looking at the totality of your relationship -- has it always been like this? Have you invested enough time getting to know him? And do you truly have good communication skills to work through anger and disappointment? Couples get angry with one another -- but the true sign of a successful relationship is how they deal with it.
Hopefully he comes around and doesn't string you along. In closing, I would encourage you to take this time as well to think things through...
Eddie
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 May 2013):
 Here's a bit of "guyspeak" that you might find helpful....
"I need space".... really means, "I've decided that you aren't the girl for me... and so I am going to put some distance and time between us.... so I can see if I might find "something" better, out there.... so I can dump you once I find "her"..... AND, thank you for holding out, so that IF I fail to find "her" (out there) then I can come back to you... and you will validate my searching time... and I can resume things with you - like nothing happened - and life will go on...."
Hope this helps.
good luck...
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