A
female
age
41-50,
*elcro
writes:I am getting married in six weeks to my boyfriend of 6+ years (also the father of our 18 month old son). As our wedding date approaches, he is becoming more and more controlling- what I do, who we socialize with, how I spend money, etc. We both have relatively traditional values, but this is getting to be too much. I really love this man, and I want things to work out for us, but I am getting quite scared that I've signed up to live under a dictatorship! With the wedding six weeks away, what can I do? I've tried to talk to him, but he's adopted this attitude of "What I say goes" and "sometimes you just need to shove it (shut up)"...
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female
reader, Velcro +, writes (4 July 2007):
Velcro is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks ladies!
I have talked with some girlfriends, and decided that these issues are not "deal-breakers", but I realize that even a six-year relationship will yeild some (unpleassant) surprises...
I'm just praying alot, and try to be patient, and see if the beast will disappear. Thanks so much for listening to me!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2007): Hi Love,
I canot tell you what to do, But this is to familiar to me...My second husband for the whole time we where dating couldnt have been a kinder to me, then as soon as the wedding was planned things started to change, I did speak to my mum about it and she told me it was wedding nerves... I had a gut intinct that something was most definatly wrong, Then i though i was over reacting but i spent alot of time crying as i was so unsure of what was going on as his attitude had changed so very much, he was no longer the kind gentle man i had been with he was a violent bully who wanted his own way, not phycical verbal violents... I married him and it was on our honeymoon he became phycically violent.... What i say goes and sometimes you just need to shove it!!!!! Sweetheart you need to sit down and really talk to him this is supposed to be the happiest time of your life a marriage to the father of your child a happy family....All the arrangments are supposed to make you so excited and full of hope and your partner is and should make you feel safe and secure...
I mean you are going to spend money now you have a wedding to plan for, And who you socialize with love they must have been in your life for awhile... This is such a hard one I DO HOPE YOU ARE GOING TO BE OK AND THIS IS JUST WEDDING NERVES I JUST THINK THE WAY HE IS SPEAKING IS NASTY AND VERY NERVOUS FOR YOU.. PLEASE WRITE ME IF THINGS GET YOU DOWN IM HERE AND PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU LOTS OF LOVE AND HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (1 July 2007):
 Has he always been this way? It may just be pre wedding jitters but you need to talk to him about it. Tell him you've noticed he's been a lot more controlling and ask him why? Relationships are all about compromise and if he can't respect you and trust you more then you may need to rethink. You're not married yet...
Eve
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